And Joseph said to his brothers, "I am Joseph. Is my father still alive?" but his brothers could not answer him because they were shocked by his presence. (Bereishit 45:3) Rashi explains they were shocked because of embarrassment.

True embarrassment has nothing to do with being embarrassed in front of other people. Real embarrassment has to do with being embarrassed in front of yourself because of your lowly character and it is the greatest disposition one can have because it stems from one's deepest purity.

Embarrassment comes when one sees clearly and absolutely that they were wrong and offensive. This perception at its peak is at the highest levels of repentance. Not only that, but this painful experience can act as the punishment for the sin.

The Midrash Rabbah states: Woe to us for the day of judgment, woe to us for the day of rebuke! Joseph was the youngest of the tribal ancestors, yet his brethren could not withstand his rebuke, as it says, "And his brethren could not answer him." How much more then when the Holy One, blessed be He, comes and rebukes each man according to his ways, as it says, But I will reprove thee, and set the cause before thine eyes!

It appears that the Midrash is equating the day of judgment (which means the punishment) with the day of rebuke. In other words, when the rebuke is true and obvious the tremendous embarrassment that it causes actually is the punishment. It also says in Gemara Berachoth 12b, that if one commits a sin and is ashamed of it, all his sins are forgiven.

When the brothers saw that Joseph was alive and ruling over Egypt they understood that their judgment of him was a great sin.

How to Apply this principle:

Embarrassment can be used to help us grow. If you have a particular negative action that you have a hard time controlling, take five minutes a day and repeat to yourself "Its wrong and it's immoral". Once you become clear to yourself that "It's really wrong and it's really immoral" you will have a much easier time being able to control yourself. Try it, it really works!

Have a Great Shabbos!

This essay is based on the sefer Das Torah

It is appropriate and wonderful when we realize that something we've been doing is less than ideal. We feel embarrassed, and we change our behavior.

But do you have any idea what happens if, on the Day of Judgment, HaShem lets us know how we have disappointed (in a way we hadn't thought of, or had thought of but forgotten), and we become embarrassed, and wish we had a second chance to prove to Him we would really change? I don't THINK any of us ever get sent back to prove ourselves. Would we get a second chance in heaven - or is heaven so perfect and so lacking in challenges that we would not have a chance to prove ourselves?

Of course, I realize that if we strictly follow G-d's law, there is little chance of embarrassing ourselves. But there are little things - maybe not so little - that sometimes slip by. Maybe we are concentrating on the bigger things. Maybe we are selfish for a while. I am speaking in general, but will give a personal example for illustration: Each Yom Kippur I try to atone for not paying quite as much attention to my children as I feel I should have, or not keeping my house quite as neat for my husband as I should have. I vow to be better. For a while, I am. Then I slip again. Then I am. But there's not opportunity in heaven to take care of children or clean house, to show I would! And I'm sure there are other shortcomings other people have. If I understand you correctly, you're saying that our embarrassment before G-d is punishment enough. But what if we WANT to do more than be embarrassed? What if we want a second chance, or want that plus another way of atoning?

Of course I realize that the best way to prevent embarrassment is to keep working on ourselves in the here and now. We never stop trying. But we do slip. I wish G-d would beep us when He notices we're slacking! But I also realize He has given us personal responsibility to see what we'll do with it by ourselves.

Another thought: Isn't another punishment the temporary or complete lock-out from heaven? I know that many people think about this punishment. But I agree with you that it is at LEAST an equal punishment to have to endure G-d's KNOWING that we have failed. Yes, we know He knows even now - but your post made me think about actually FACING Him (or an angel or whomever), and I'm sure we'd be like the child who has stolen a piece of candy from a store who is forced to go to the store owner and own up to it. No matter how kind and understanding he might be, the moment would be so intense as to leave a mark the rest of the child's life. I hope this doesn't sound pompous, but I'm PROUD of G-d for realizing that we do good not only because we're afraid of not getting into heaven, not only because of our consciences, but also because we love Him and would be as loathe to disappoint Him as we would our earthly fathers.

Just thinking out loud. I hope you don't mind.

quote:

Embarrassment can be used to help us grow

Rabbi Mitterhoff,

Your vort is very appropriate, and I think most of us - especially me - can find where we have experienced "embarrassment" one way or the other in our lives because of some wrong-doing. At least, I know that I have.

To strengthen your words, I came across a pasuk in Yechezkel 16:63, which says this:
"In order that you might remember, and be embarrassed and not have any more excuse because of your reproach, while I atone for you over all that you've done..."
למען תזכרי ובשת ולא יהיה לך עוד פתחון פה מפני כלימתך בכפרי לך לכל אשר עשית וגו

Here, it is obvious by the words of this prophet that embarrassment or shame, in the end, serves to rectify what wrong we had done.

Thanks for bringing this vort!

Sincerely,
David Ben-Abraham

Thank you David.

Paulette,
Hashem gives us 120 yrs to work on ourselves but at a certain point the party is over.

Midrash Rabbah - Genesis 67:4 WHEN ESAU HEARD THE WORDS OF HIS FATHER, HE CRIED WITH AN EXCEEDING GREAT AND BITTER CRY. etc. R. Hanina said: Whoever maintains that the Holy One, blessed be He, is lax in dispensing justice, may his bowels become lax! He is merely longsuffering, but ultimately collects His due. Jacob made Esau break out into a cry but once, and where was he punished for it? In Shushan, the castle, as it says, And he cried with a loud and bitter cry, etc. (Est. IV, 1).

It also says in Ethics of the Fathers 4:22. He would also say: Those who are born will die, and the dead will live. The living will be judged, to learn, to teach and to comprehend that He is G-d, He is the former, He is the creator, He is the comprehender, He is the judge, He is the witness, He is the plaintiff, and He will judge. Blessed is He, for before Him there is no wrong, no forgetting, no favoritism, and no taking of bribes; know, that everything is according to the reckoning. Let not your heart convince you that the grave is your escape; for against your will you are formed, against your will you are born, against your will you live, against your will you die, and against your will you are destined to give a judgment and accounting before the king, king of all kings, the Holy One, blessed be He.

We need to do a daily spiritually accounting in order to keep track of where we are holding and what we need to work on.

The day of judgment should be terrifying but it should not get us depressed. Hashem is kind and he knows what we are capable of. The questions is, do we know what we are capable of?

Once my father told me that we should not be eager to die because the afterlife could be worse.