Parshas Shoftim

Student a)"You're right I'm scared of Mr.Cohen, but after he leaves,
I'll do as I please."
Case b)" I'm sure Rabbi Gold's rules are for our benefit. You should see
how concerned he is for us."

"Judges and enforcers you shall place in your cities." (Divorim 16:18)
According to the Rashba (a 13th century commentary) when enforcing laws, one
should do it with patience not anger and terror. This is especially true in
parenting and teaching.

"I will not forgo any rules: But there are two ways to approach that
student, and I use the love and patience approach." Rav Moshe Einhorn

Have a great Shabbos !!

Thank you! It is absolutely true that disciplining must be done from love and concern and with lots and lots of patience. My son is just beginning to understand that some of the things he does are good and some aren't. Disciplining with love is a slow process and takes a lot of patience, but as Rabbi Flom says, it is the way to go (case b).

Does anyone have tips on staying calm?

I'll share some of mine:

- Don't have unreasonable expectations, if you expect a kid to do something and he doesn't you are more likely to get angry with him, so don't expect things from him/her which are unreasonable.

- Don't take the child's behaviour personally, many times parents get upset because they are taking the child's behaviour too personally. e.g. I've told you hundreds of times to sit down when you eat... Realise kids will be kids.

Easy to say, but I think it is a lifetime's work, to be calm and not get angry with children/students.

How to stay calm?

I have a hypothesis which I am testing which I feel that tension can be brought on by the surprise attack. When someone arrives home from a tough day outside, he naturally expects to find at home his shelter from the day's anxieties. If than the suprise arrives, that...1] dinner IS NOT ready....2] a child has to be rushed to the hospital, G-d forbid....or 3] the spouses patience has worn thin and I am now the scapegoat.....the element of surprise has a great momentum in bringing us to lose the handle on the situation. One must train himself to be emotionally prepared for everything with a strong pre-cushioning of trust in Hashem whatever will happen, and simcha and good spiritedness, to minimize the blow. All in all, the trials of life will always be there. If we prepare ourselves ahead of time, than maybe we can better suvive the storm. One can always daven fro help from Above as well...

Vort on Parshas Shoftim:
"Do not sway from the things they [the Rabonim] will tell you, to the right or to the left." (Shoftim 17:11) Rashi-:"Even if they say to you the right is left or the left be right."

To what is this similar? One has a pair of shoes. The right shoe fits the right foot, not the left foot, and vice versa.When is this true? When the shoe fits the foot. However, if the shoe is considerably larger than the foot, as a child will wear his parents shoes for fun, than even if the left shoe is on the right foot or vice versa, it is no different, since the shoe is anyway way too large for the feet. The same is with the decrees of Chazal- we may achieve in understanding their reasons for their decrees and guidance, but we must know that they are much greater than us and we cannot totally encompass their understanding, as the shoe is greater than our feet- it makes therefore no difference right or left, as the core of their decisions are greater than our perception.

[QUOTE]
Does anyone have tips on staying calm?

The famous letter of the Ramban is devouted to this subject. What's most important is to speak quietly and never raise your voice. If you act calmly eventualy you will attain that quality. Humbleness is very important to curb anger. One of the prime reasons we become angry is when we feel our egos are being slighted by someone.
Seeing the good in others is also a powerful remedy for this middah.