As Rosh Hashanah approaches the pressure starts to build for us to improve ourselves yet we need a way to measure our situation and a means to determine our current level. How do we see clearly where we rank in our daily worship and how can we prevent ourselves from fundamentally living a lie?

Rav Eliyahu Dessler in his sefer Strive for Truth gives us a formula to help determine our current level.

"The rasha (evil person) too has high points and low points. But his high point is only in thought - what he in theory would like to be - while his low point is rooted in actual experience. The high points of the beinoni (the average person) are real, they are experienced in his heart. But they are not real enough to prevent him from sometimes falling well below them. He therefore feels shame and guilt when he considers his low points. The evil person on the other hand, whose high points are in his mind but not in his heart, experiences no shame. This provides a test for us to discover our true madregah (level)."

In other words if a person says to himself "I know I should feel bad for doing this" but does not actually have a feeling of being embarrassed he is a rasha (an evil person) in relation to that act. It does not help to intellectually know something is wrong if there are no feelings attached. Most people feel that as long as they "understand" something is wrong that makes them "OK" but this is far from the truth. Yet there is still hope. By focusing and reflecting deeply on our intellectual understanding of what is moral, we can with HaShems help, penetrate our hearts of stone to make them real.

Now comes the real scary part. A person can have tremendous religious feelings of the uppermost levels yet be an absolute rasha (evil person).

The Gemara in Yoma 19b states: Our Rabbis taught: There was a Sadducee who had arranged the incense outside, and then brought it inside As he left he was exceedingly glad. On his coming out his father met him and said to him: My son, although we are Sadducees, we are afraid of the Pharisees (who hold this is forbidden). He replied: All my life was I aggrieved because of this scriptural verse: For I appear in the cloud upon the ark-cover. I would say: When shall the opportunity come to my hand so that I might fulfill it. Now that such opportunity has come to my hand, should I not have fulfilled it? It is reported that it took only a few days until he died and was thrown on the dungheap and worms came forth from his nose.

Rabbi Chaim Shumulevitz, the Rosh Yeshiva of Mir z"tzl explained that this Sadducee gave over his whole being to do this mitzvah according to his mistaken understanding. He was even anguished all his days waiting for the opportunity to fulfill this mitzvah like the characteristic of Rebbi Akiva, if we could make such a comparison. Yet it was precisely because of this devotion to such a mistake that he received such a strange and disgraceful death.

This is a terrifying idea! Our fiery devotion to HaShem could be making our punishments even greater if what we are doing with such enthusiasm does not find favor in the eyes of G-d. During this awesome time period before the Day of Judgment we need to do a deep investigation and soul searching in order to become aware of any mistakes we may be making in our worship to our creator. G-d forbid, it is possible that even though we give over our entire beings to what we believe in, because of a lack of assessment and evaluation we could be off track in our spiritual foundations and actually be living a lie.

This message has been edited. Last edited by: Rabbi Mitterhoff,