good article http://www.aish.com/family/mensch/Teens_at_Risk_Stressors_and_Signs.asp

I did not read the article but i could imagine what it is.ive read many before.I know many teens at risk(i am a teenager myself)One of my friends has long hair,earrings,tattoes,and he cuts himself and does everything else to himself that is bad and hopefully he'll come back.all these articles say the same thing but here's what i think - Kids who become teens at risk become that way because their parents dont really pay attention to who they are hanging out with - all it takes is one bad influence and the kid is gone - trust me on this one because i had a friend who was a really bad influence and he taught me lots of things and luckily my dad realized before it was to late.I know one kid who lives in my neighborhood and his father is the menahel/principal of one of the biggest named schools in New York and i will not mention its name i am just saying that it is famous and people ask "he is such a good principal how could it happen to his kid?" well he obviously wasnt paying enough attention to who his firneds were.Its becoming a big problem these days because lots of teens at risk are kids who get kicked out yeshivos and theire is no where for them to go and this only happens because people cant keep their mouths shut - ive had people in the nieghborhood that my school is in call my yeshiva up and tell them that they see us smoking or hanging out by the pizza shop - what right do they have> luckily no one got kicked out but if someone did its their fault and now that teen has nowhere to go and goes off- it is ab ig problem these days and there is baiscally no way to solve it.

This is why I posted it. Alot of teens have gone off the derech or are going off. And we need to do something about it.

In the essays that I have read, people say what signs to look for, and suggest giving the teen alot of love and support, and if needed get them proffessional help.

Menachem you raise a good and interesting point. I will try to bear that in mind as my son grows up (he's 8 months now... )

However, I don't agree when you write that:

quote:

it is a big problem these days and there is baiscally no way to solve it.

I agree that it is a big problem BUT not that there is nothing that we can do. Let me bring an example, many years ago when a family had a child with special needs the outlook for the child was grim indeed. Nowadays much has improved. There are many programs, therapies and schools that can help improve the child (and their families) quality of life. These changes came about through people who saw the situation and said 'this is a problem what can we do to help?'

well yes there are schools but i know many kids in these schools like i said before and the next kid after is always worse - there are so many bad kids in these schools that 65% of the time the kid becomes worse because now he surrounded by like minded indivuals who are playing the same game he is - drugs,sex,drinking,not keeping shabbos
The best thing a parent can do is not "disown" the kid because ive seen this happen and then there's almost no chance of the kid ever coming back.There are ways to solve it but it takes a long time.And only very few qualified people are really good at turning these kids around.

I think that the best way that parents can help their children is by showing them love and support.

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This message has been edited. Last edited by: sharona,

There was an article in this week's Mishpacha about a farm (in Israel) for teens-at-risk; where they stay during the week and work on the farm. It sounded like an excellent program, in that it gives the kids a safe place to go, where they can taste success.

There was one thing I wasn't sure about: it mentioned that he uses cigarettes as a reward for getting up for davening and finishing work on time. I agree that BANNING cigarettes wouldn't work and would just cause the boys to smoke in private, but on the other hand, there is a big difference to actively encouraging smoking (which I think he is by using it as a reward system). But I would like to hear other opinion's on it.

maybe they should also have a program on that farm, that helps them to quit smoking. Probably not right away b/c they're working on other issues first, but when they are ready for it.

It's not just them that smoke though but a lot of people, even people doing well. They know the dangers, they just don't think about it. And so people need to keep reminding people until they get the message.

Yea i read the same article Gila and he is using them as a reward system but for a good reason.I am a smoker myself and i can understand that these kids will not work or go to davening if they dont get their cigarettes.The rabbi on the farm is using them as like if u dont go to davening then you wont get cigarettes - its a motvational thing for them - yes it is sad that the only reason they will get up is to get cigarettes but after a while they will go to daveing not because they want cigarettes ratyher because they want to daven - there is a school for at risk teens that actually tries to get the kids to quit smoking by giving them actual smoking breaks and every couple of weeks they lower the amount of breaks and therfore the kids smoke less and see they canl ive without it(hopefully that can happen tome since my mom really wants me to quit) basically if these kds dont get their cigarettes they wont go to the farm or daven and they'll be getting drunk or doing other worse things

This message has been edited. Last edited by: Menachem,

Gila, I did not see that article, but I was wondering a place where either I could see it online, and if not, could you tell me which farm is being spoken about. (Curious if it is the same place I'm thinking of.)

Leppi, I don't know if it can be found online. Also I gave the article away to someone, so I can't check it up for you. Sorry . Maybe someone else here can check it up though.

I couldn't find the article online either. It sounds like a good program though.

And there's this other place also, which some of you probrably know of, called Migdal Ohr. I saw an article and it was just beautiful how it started and grew.

Baruch Hashem for these programs

This message has been edited. Last edited by: sharona,

I didn't read the article your talking about, but it seems to me that people are trying to help teens and that it a big thing. About 10, maybe 15 years ago, my friend's kids were starting to get into trouble, smoking pot and other stuff. When I tried to talk to people to get help, not only was there nothing out there but people were very unsympathetic. Now at least people are trying and many times are successfull.
From what I've heard and from my little experiance with Project: Yes, alot of problems stem from kids getting angry with thier parents and mixing up their parents belief system with what they are angrey about.
Of course it is a complecated problem but at least it is being addressed.
Silky

This reply is mostly directed toward Menachem. I teach social work at Columbia College in Columbia, Missouri. Most of my professional work has been with teens.

First of all a common mistake is for parents to see teens as being able to care of themselves and requiring very little supervision. I think the opposite is true. Teens require just as much parent involvement as do younger children, and contrary to popular opinion do not shun adult company when it is offered in a reasonable manner.

Cutting, self-mutilation, is a serious manifestation of problems and is, in my opinion (since others may disagree) addictive. It is used as a way to release tension or whatever negative emotions the person has. The person continues to cut because it works and provides temperary relief but often the person has to increase the severity or frequency to receive the same amount of releif as early instances. Oddly enough one of the first indicators that a person is recovering from cutting on themselves is that it starts to hurt.

I have four children and my two teens had pretty negative experiences in high school with most of their friends were using drugs and drinking. I think the teen years are so hard because teens are neglicted rather than directed. Adults don't spend enough time with them nor do they help them to acquire some kind of ethical/moral/relegious foundation.

That's true, parents don't spend enough time with their teen.

With children in general, parents need to listen, acknowledge and support their child so s/he can get through it.

Au contraire. I think the problem is too much direction.

Too much telling teens to do this, not to do that. Most of the time, any dodgy behavious is an act of rebellion.

Hi. This is my first post to this site. I am happy to see drug abuse and teens brought to attention at a Jewish site.
What troubles me though, as a Jew, is that the responses were more geared towards looking at the behavior of why a teenager would chose that Galut or exile,rather then looking at a Jew who is in exile and how do we help lead them to their G-Dly soul?
Ego doesn't heal. looking to the social climate doesn't do much other than validate the desensitation which media places on our youth.
We know why our children seek drugs.What we are wittnessing in this world is what we are wittnessing. The instinctual or animal soul is aroused,it takes on a force all its own.Drugs which are used to "medicate" ones
pain turns into the disease.
There must be a spiritual healing in order for a drug addict to recover.Mental and physical too,certainly...This is the world in which we live...Peace...Rachel

And how, pray tell, will this spiritual healing be brought about? Careful not to cross any boundaries as proscibed in Chelek, Sanhedrin regarding any incatations...

In any type of recovery (recovery from addiction,recovery of the soul,ect...)a point of honesty needs to be attained. We can temper the addicitions of any human by placing them in different controled surroundings. But, in order for a druggie to heal the first step is admitting that there is a problem.
Second the recovering person needs to believe that they alone cannot relieve themselves of the insanity associated with the addiction,or resentment,or whatever the "it" is that is keeping them from G-D.
Third the person needs to make a decision to allow G-D into their lives. Supplication.
We know the next step as Jews is the practice of confession,prayer,reading of the psalms, Mitzvah assei.
These are to be practiced in order to maintain sobriety.There is no other way.