I know that a person cannot change another, but is there a way to get someone else to change? My husband swears. It is devastatingly debilitating to our shalom bayis. I was trying to raise pure children... What can be done about a situation like this? He is the nicest person, really a mentsh; everyone likes him. He can be upset at home and yelling; if the phone rings, he can answer it like any normal person would. Surely, there is a way to control this. At home, when he loses his temper, he yells and swears. The children are afraid of his yelling. Everytime I hear another swear word, I am deadened a little bit. What Torah values are my children getting? How can we have something so contrary to Torah in my home? What can I do?

Dear "Anonymous Member,"

In your Public Profile, you wrote there that you are a "male."

Here, in this post, you wrote that you have a "husband," which thing implies that you are a female.

Is this part of your anonymity? At any rate, if you are a male and it is your wife who is "swearing at home," or if you are a female and it is your husband who is swearing at home, the problem of swearing must be traced to its source - i.e. anger. This is the main problem, not being able to control his/her anger. Perhaps you should seek special marital counsel (with, of couse, only a Rabbi giving the counsel). Tell the Rabbi about your husband's/wife's outbursts of anger (yelling, swearing, etc.) and how this disturbs the situation at home, shalom bayis, etc.

David

quote:

In your Public Profile, you wrote there that you are a "male."

Here, in this post, you wrote that you have a "husband," which thing implies that you are a female.

Anonymous Member is an anonymous username that any member of the Global Yeshiva can use to post private information.

B"H

Gila,

Are you saying that anyone can use this title, "Anonymous Member?" This is something new to me!
How does one go about posting when using this?

David

Here are the instructions.

I have been wondering about this matter too. Somebody I know of has this problem too and is also a mentsh. This person is very patient generally. The problem seems to occur when this person is either very stressed (but not so often) or somebody has been really horrid to this person. And this person freely admits that it is wrong to flare and swear and does try to change from reacting like this.

quote:

What can be done about a situation like this? He is the nicest person, really a mentsh; everyone likes him. He can be upset at home and yelling; if the phone rings, he can answer it like any normal person would. Surely, there is a way to control this.