Is it disrespectful to try to look your best when attending a funeral? For example, would wearing contact lenses instead of glasses be sending a message that you are thinking too much about yourself and not enough about the departed and his family? Does it make a difference how close you were to the departed?

On the contrary, dressing well shows Kavod HaMeis, respect to the deceased.

In any event, I would have thought that the family had other things on their minds than to notice whether someone is wearing contact lenses instead of glasses (an issue I don't quite understand as far as your posting is concerned).

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Originally posted by Anonymous Member:
Is it disrespectful to try to look your best when attending a funeral? For example, would wearing contact lenses instead of glasses be sending a message that you are thinking too much about yourself and not enough about the departed and his family? Does it make a difference how close you were to the departed?

If you are talking about yourself, it seems that your wearing contacts instead of glasses means, to you, a choice based on thinking of how will you look best. In this case, you seem to be questioning if this is not permitted self absorbtion and vanity instead of where you think your focus should be. And then it would mean you are also asking can you be more vain the less you are close to the departed. Is it a pronouncement from a rabbi that you want? If so, you should ask one. You could also ask him if "disrespect" is the key word in this scenario.

If you just want to be "off the hook" about what to wear , maybe you could draw long or short straw on choosing which to wear.

If you are wondering about whether somebody else's wearing of contacts, the fact is that you cannot and should not judge another. You wouldn't even know the reason for their choice. I'm wondering whether your focus should be on yourself and not in letting your imagination run away, if this is the case.

Please note that you did not make it clear if you were speaking of yourself or another.

If the deceased was a close friend of the person considering whether to wear contact lenses, chances are the person will shed a tear or two. Therefore, wearing contact lenses is not very practical. But as long as you do not show vanity in your outfit, the "dress code for a funeral", if there is such thing, should be modest but "well-dressed", I think.

To me, the question is a bit vague.

Loosely related, I remember reading that those who wear a tallis katan should tuck their tzitzis inside at a funeral, or perhaps when visiting a cemetary, since a deceased can no longer perform such a mitzvah and we don't want to flaunt it.

I wonder if this would apply when attending the funeral for a woman?

Quote "I wonder if this would apply when attending the funeral for a woman?"

It' permitted. See MB 23:5

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Originally posted by Rav Chaim:
Quote "I wonder if this would apply when attending the funeral for a woman?"

It' permitted. See MB 23:5

That's fine if there are no graves with men in around about. So as a general rule I would respectfully suggest that whenever one enters a cemetery one should cover one's tzitzis.

Rob-

You remember learning in meseches brachos 18a
Rabbi Chiya and Rabbi Yonason walking in a cemetary, and Rabbi Yonason's tzitzis were draggin on the ground. Rabbi Chiya said "lift up your garment lest (the dead) say 'tomorrow they will be joining us- and now they mock us!"

I think the prohibition of having uncovered tzitzis when visiting the grave of a female also applies as long as she is in a cemetary in which others are also buried. Perhaps even if she is buried alone- because even though her body wasnt obligation to perform the mitzvah of tzitzis in this world- she still had her own mitzvos to perform- and tzitzis are a reminder of all mitzvos- as it says in shema-
"vhaya lochem l'tzitzis u'reisem oso u'zarchartem es KOL mitzvos hashem..."

"And it shall be for you tzitzis that you may look upon them and remember ALL the mitzvos of Hashem..."

The gemora says that is it prohibited to perform a mitzvah within four amos of a grave or a body. The actual halacha- i am not sure.

quote:

Originally posted by Rav Chaim:
Quote "I wonder if this would apply when attending the funeral for a woman?"

It' permitted. See MB 23:5

Guess my deductive reasoning was wrong- it goes to show that no matter how much we can reason into things- its always important to keep ourselves in check and have sources to refer to before we infer our own understanding of Torah!

I remember reading that the Chazon Ish would never learn his own reasonings into Torah until he was beyond 40+, until that time- he only learned from the teachings of the Vilna Gaon and he was not a supporter of pilpul style learning.

quote:

"vhaya lochem l'tzitzis u'reisem oso u'zarchartem es KOL mitzvos hashem..."

"And it shall be for you tzitzis that you may look upon them and remember ALL the mitzvos of Hashem..."

As an afterthought- i think the "lochem" gives it away. "and it shall be FOR YOU tzitzis that you shall look upon them and remember"- not and it shall be for her HER or THEM that SHE or THEY may look upon them... but for YOU... who is YOU? the men...

more deductive reasoning...

(i'm more than happy to receive correction when my reasoning proves to be off! l'shem shamayim!)

I think the reason Tzitzis is a Mitzvah for men only is that it is a Positive Mitzvah that is governed by time (only worn during the day) and women are exempt such Mitzvos.

The case of dragging Tzitzis over a grave doesn't apply nowadays as it referred to one's clothing that had Tzitzis tied on them. Our clothes aren't made with 4 corners, rather we wear a special 4 cornered garment specifically so that we can perform the Mitzvah of Tzitzis. These Tzitzis must be covered up when we go near a grave or a deceased person.

The distinction between funeral (not at grave site) and visiting cemetary is significant.

So per Rav Chaim and MB 23:5 it is permitted to wear one's tzitzis of their tallis katan showing when attending the non-graveside funeral and not-at-cemetary procession of a woman?

There are rabbinic overcoats which have tzitzis on them. Others apparently have a rounded corner so that they are exempt from tzitzis.

But is there a prohibition on those who weear the outer robes with tzitzis from attending to a man's funeral or visiting a cemetary with men buried there?

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Originally posted by rob:
There are rabbinic overcoats which have tzitzis on them.

I have never seen this; where have you seen it?

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Originally posted by Yisroel Phillips:

quote:

Originally posted by rob:
There are rabbinic overcoats which have tzitzis on them.

I have never seen this; where have you seen it?

Yisroel: there are some movements sponsored by the Assembly of God church called Jews for Jesus and Messianic Jews. They have taken to clipping their tzitzits to the belt loops of their jeans, women wearing them, sewing them onto their coats, t-shirts and other outerwear....

I wish I could recall exactly, but I do remember seeing black strands which seemed in all respect to be tzitzis, perhaps on an outer coat worn by a Satmar visitor to our community, or perhaps it was on a Rosh Yeshiva's long coat.

My rabbi specifically pointed out to me the rounded corner on another Rosh Yeshiva's long coat in ase the tail cut would render it having 4 corners otherwise, or some reasoning like that.

So its possible that the black strand fringes I saw and assumed to be tzitzis were not a result of a long coat with 4 actual corners.

The strands looked just like the actual tzitzis on my tallis, except black. But I cannot recall seeing any knots.

quote:

Originally posted by rob:
I wish I could recall exactly, but I do remember seeing black strands which seemed in all respect to be tzitzis, perhaps on an outer coat worn by a Satmar visitor to our community, or perhaps it was on a Rosh Yeshiva's long coat.

My rabbi specifically pointed out to me the rounded corner on another Rosh Yeshiva's long coat in ase the tail cut would render it having 4 corners otherwise, or some reasoning like that.

So its possible that the black strand fringes I saw and assumed to be tzitzis were not a result of a long coat with 4 actual corners.

The strands looked just like the actual tzitzis on my tallis, except black. But I cannot recall seeing any knots.

My guess is that it was the fringe on the end of his gartel hanging down. depending on how the gartel is tied some allow them to dangle very long down the side after tying. That would be a black fringe.

Quote "That's fine if there are no graves with men in around about. So as a general rule I would respectfully suggest that whenever one enters a cemetery one should cover one's tzitzis.
"

The question was asked by the funeral, where there is only one dead. There are also some communities that have "separate layings" for men and woman at the cemetery.

quote:

Yisroel: there are some movements sponsored by the Assembly of God church called Jews for Jesus and Messianic Jews. They have taken to clipping their tzitzits to the belt loops of their jeans, women wearing them, sewing them onto their coats, t-shirts and other outerwear....

I think that it is wrong to spell out the "jay man" and can we all refrain from spelling out that name? or refer to that idea/name as "Osso Ish" or "that man"? Any other ideas are welcome to, just that I find it to be nauseating.

I second that motion.

You know, on a similar topic- i was doing some pesach cleaning today- and i came across a news packet from Yad L'Achim and i was reminded what a wonderful organization Yad L'achim is and what important work they are doing combating the missionary attempt at converting Jews away from Judaism. Boruch Hashem we have such organizations at work for the Jewish community!!!