What minhagim does a woman bring with her to her marriage and what minhagim is she required to take on from her husband?

for example: I was raised holding 3 hours between milchig and fleishig; I fully expected when I got married to be holding 6. Long story short, my husband has the minhag of only holding 3 hours. Interestingly, when he found out that most hold 6 hours , he asked a shaila if he should change his minhag. He was told that due to the duration that he had already been holding 3 hours, that he should continue to do so. Therefore, I hold 3 hours. (When I was becoming frummer (if frummer is a word), I started holding 6 - so I went from 3 to 6 and back to 3).

What minhag is 3 hours?

quote:

Originally posted by MosheYisraeli:
What minhag is 3 hours?

It's a German Ashkenazi Minhag, observed by many communities in the US and UK (including mine).

Rivkaleah,
I'm not a posek, but usually the couple gets to choose what works out for them. I know Sephardic men who took upon themselves their Ashkenazic wives' minhagim and vice versa. I don't think a posek will insist that you take on a minhag that you cannot handle. It's really between you and your husband what you do. (Shalom bayit)

I was not asking a specific question regarding a personal situation for me; rather, I read on another thread (I'm sorry I can't remember which thread it was) a similar point and I thought that this question would be a good one to put 'out there'. The minhagim in my home today, are quite different from the way I was raised. For example: Shalom Aleichem and Kiddush were always said standing when i was growing up; today, we say shalom aleichem sitting and half of the Friday night kiddush is said standing, the second half sitting, shabbos lunch kiddush is always said sitting.

That's how traditions evolve. I've been to homes with strange dinim. But as long as they are observant, their children and greatgrandchildren will continue to observe them and fulfill Torah. The beauty of Judaism is that one size doesn't fit all.

quote:

Originally posted by Rivkaleah:
I was not asking a specific question regarding a personal situation for me; rather, I read on another thread (I'm sorry I can't remember which thread it was) a similar point and I thought that this question would be a good one to put 'out there'. The minhagim in my home today, are quite different from the way I was raised. For example: Shalom Aleichem and Kiddush were always said standing when i was growing up; today, we say shalom aleichem sitting and half of the Friday night kiddush is said standing, the second half sitting, shabbos lunch kiddush is always said sitting.

A perfectly acceptable custom (at least it in in my house! ).

For instance: does a woman keep her minhag of davening and her pronunciation (let's say, sfardi) or does she take on her dh's (ashkenazi pronunciation).

Perhaps we can make a list to show what she would keep vs. what she would take on.

Rivkaleah,
A list is not necessary. The posek says a woman takes on her husband's minhagim but that's only as a tie breaker...in other words, if they can't reach an agreement. Otherwise whatever they agree upon is what they will do.

I just found a good source in halacha for a custom I might have seen once or twice in my house... drinking the last of the soup out of the bowl... particularly if one wants seconds!

If on Shabbos one leaves a few drops of soup left in the bowl and it cools down to no longer being warm, it could be cooking to pour hot soup into the bowl as a second helping, since the hot soup could be reheating the cold drops of soup in a prohibitted way.

Moral:

Always serve soup that is good to the last drop.

and

Never wait before getting a refill of good hot soup,

quote:

pronunciation (let's say, sfardi) or does she take on her dh's (ashkenazi pronunciation).

Guess the answer would be obvious if she's a social climber!

Rob,
About the soup; it depends whether it's kli sheni or kli shlishi. If you are using a ladle on the side (as most civilized people do), then the ladle is kli sheni and the soup bowl is kli shlishi. So there is no cooking involved in your last drop of soup in the bowl.

Rob are you sure she is the social climber? It seems to me that HE IS the social climber.

Ashkenaz social climbing? Please... how many years of marriage and he still won't pronounce a proper Ayin!

my kids find it pretty funny when I use an ay'yin (w/the glottal stop) instead of an ashkenazi ayin. I was in hysterics the first time my son came home singing: leshana tova u'mesukah - w/ashkenazi pronunciation - since i was taught sfardi. Rather ironic because my father uses ashkenazic pronunciation. Now, ftr, I use ashkenazi pronunciation and even daven that way. Switching the way I davened was very difficult; it took concerted effort over a good length of time.

quote:

About the soup; it depends whether it's kli sheni or kli shlishi. If you are using a ladle on the side (as most civilized people do), then the ladle is kli sheni and the soup bowl is kli shlishi. So there is no cooking involved in your last drop of soup in the bowl.

I think if you use the ladle quite a bit it gets hot enough to be considered a kli rishon [first vessel].

quote:

my kids find it pretty funny when I use an ay'yin (w/the glottal stop) instead of an ashkenazi ayin. I was in hysterics the first time my son came home singing: leshana tova u'mesukah - w/ashkenazi pronunciation - since i was taught sfardi.

My Sefardi (Edot Mizrach) grandson (see photo over on the left) attends an Ashkenazi Talmud Torah. My son-in-law calls it a Talmud TorAH whereas my grandson now calls it a Talmud TOIrah!

As far as Minhagim generally are concerned, a wife will need to take upon herself those stringencies that relate to where they now live. For example, if a Sefardi woman marries an Ashkenazi then she will no longer be able to eat rice and peas on Pesach.

Those Minhagim that are purely personal to the woman (i.e. they don't affect anything to do with the marriage) I believe she may retain her own. Where they affect the marriage, however, she should take on her husban'd Minhagim. For example, Rav Moshe Feinstein zt"l was asked whether a woman who came from a community where married women shaved all their head hair off was marrying into a community whether they merely wore sheitels could shave her hair off (as she seemed to want to do) or not (as the husband wanted). The answer was that she should now go according to the custom of her husband's community.

quote:

I think if you use the ladle quite a bit it gets hot enough to be considered a kli rishon [first vessel].

Yisroel,
That's why I said if you have the ladle "on the side". In this manner it won't get to be hot enough and it's not part of the kli rishon. There are those who leave the ladle in the kli rishon (as in cafeterias)....in which case it becomes part of the kli rishin, as you pointed out.

quote:

ladle "on the side". In this manner it won't get to be hot enough and it's not part of the kli rishon.

The ladle stays warm enough this way that it is permissible to put the remaining soup on it back into the pot?

Have you ever see this done while the pot is still on the heat? I think that could be a problem.