Hear is some good rabbinical advise and no orthodox Rabbi will argue. A Jewish women is forbidden to live with a Gentile and must terminate the relationship immediately. No "ifs" "ands" or "buts". After that, if the Gentile wants to convert that is up to him but this is a new subject.

Amy- your children are Jewish so you should have not problem to raise them as Jews.

Wow !What can I say?

Thank you for writing.

That sure is BIG NEWS, as in B I G.

Sorry, I can't get my head round it at the moment but I shall work on it.

And I am confused at how she could also be told a) To find the Noahides

b) To forget Judaism.

Maybe it is that if she walks away from Judaism, the problem of her marriage walks away too.

I am confused now. Are you Jewish, Amy?

quote:

Originally posted by Amy:
Hi, in reference to the hypothetical situation; what if the wife an children want to convert as well? What if only the children? What if the marriage is okay despite the husband converting? My husband is Catholic and his entire family is Catholic. He wants to convert to Judaism, but we are in a remote location with no access to a Rabbi and my husband recently had a stroke. There are a lot of "what if's" in life. My husband wants our three children to be raised a Jews. What are options for us? Thanks for any insight.

Hi Amy, I think I just misunderstood your post all over.

I finally thought to look up your profile after wondering for 24 hours why the Rabbi said you were Jewish. Aha ! I get it. I didn't get it from the email.

So your situation is that you are Jewish but your husband isn't. So this makes your post like mine and so not a hijack after all. Boy! That was so confusing for me before. But at last I think I get it. About time, I guess.

So your kids are Jewish as you are too.

And you must know a lot more about Judaism than I thought before when I thought you weren't Jewish because of how your email went and your linking it to the " hypothetical" one.

How is your husband after his stroke ? Is he going to be ok?

How do you feel about his wanting to convert and have your children brought up Jewish ? Wow ! You have the chance to be a Jewish family together. This is wonderful, isn't it?

And now what are you going to do ? Apart from anything else, what are you going to do about your kids' Jewish progress.And Jewish family life? It must be so hard in a rural area.Can you link into a good Jewish community and a Rabbi who will be supportive of you all?

You have a lot to deal with here but it seems to me that there is so much potential for a good outcome.

quote:

Originally posted by Amy:
Hi, in reference to the hypothetical situation; what if the wife an children want to convert as well? What if only the children? What if the marriage is okay despite the husband converting? My husband is Catholic and his entire family is Catholic. He wants to convert to Judaism, but we are in a remote location with no access to a Rabbi and my husband recently had a stroke. There are a lot of "what if's" in life. My husband wants our three children to be raised a Jews. What are options for us? Thanks for any insight.

Sorry, I've been away at the hospital. My husband fell down our front stairs and ripped the quadricep tendon from his kneecap and was in for emergency surgery. He was recovering from the stroke pretty well. I don't know if his balance was still off and that's why he fell, or if it was just a regular fall. Yes, I'm Jewish but I haven't been to services in a long time. When I was in the military I went, but the layman (the Rabbi had been reassigned to another post) starting making passes at me (with my daughter right there!). My husband had already been sent overseas. I was so unhappy about it I haven't been back. I want my children to know their Jewish heritage and traditions and my husband wants to learn as well. I think its great that he wants to convert, he's so sweet, he'd do anything for me. We've been married 19 years. What kind of steps would he have to take to convert? (he's already circumcised so that's good.) We are two hours from any type of Jewish community. Are there any options? Thanks so much!

The children of an intermarriage are Jewish(if the mother is) but will they have problems getting married? Not on a social level, but on a halachic level?

Hi Amy,

I'm glad you're back.

Sorry to hear about your husband's accident. Poor guy. I am so happy for you that he is sweet and will convert, etc.

Has he gone into what being Jewish means ? He will have to do this and really want to be a convert for his own sake. Then you can find the next step. You can't put the cart before the horse.

Someone else needs to give you more specific and relevant advice with regard you rural isolation. And I am in Australia, which complicates things. But I can tell you that you all need to link into a Jewish community. If you can't move, you need to find ways around the problem, such as relatively frequent long trips ans stating over in cheap accommodation, etc. Maybe later somebody in the community will put you all up for a night or so periodically. You need to get in there and see what evolves.

Maybe first you can ring around and check out different rabbis in different locations and see how it goes. Some synagogues have web sites and these can give you a feel about what they offer, etc.

There are quite a number of great Jewish websites on the net that teach good Judaism .They are geared to various levels. If you get in there and start finding them and using them, you'll develop an idea of what suits your family's needs. You could start with www.aish.com and google searches of various types. It is all a matter of getting in there and doing it.

You can also buy good Jewish material from various sites. Just make sure it is a good match with the type of Jewish you are getting into, eg, orthodox. You can speed up the process this way and by visiting web sites as then you are not just dependent on what a particular community can offer. You can even get CDs and multimedia on prayers, holy days, etc. And there are fantastic books out there, eg, Donin's three - " To be a Jew";"To Pray as a Jew" and" Raising you Children as Jews" are great but there are others, eg " The Jewish Book of Why". The titles may be a bit wrong (I forget titles). Amazon.com is a good place to discover books and about them and you can buy safetly on Visa, even 2nd hand from sellers (Amazon gives them the money so it is safe). There are heaps of good Jewish books at Amazon, of all types and at all levels.If you find the rabbi for you, he should advise you. I have been buying from here and from places like Feldheim.com and Artscroll.com (both very good for certain types of books, etc) as I have had to educate myself a lot as I am a Jew returning from an assimilated family and there are no intensive classes here. There are other good places to buy from too. I am still learning who they are.

Some synagogues have good conversion classes and map out the books to read, etc. If you could find one of these that suits and you all can get to sometimes, this would meet a lot of your needs.You and the children could maybe go to the classes too and maybe there would be classes for the children.

You all really need to link into a synagogue and to attend.Judaism is not an individualistic religion that one can do at a distance all of the time. And you all have big needs for community now. And your husband won't be able to get a proper conversion (eg orthodox) unless he attends a synagogue.If you hang on in there and be patient, things will slowly evolve. Give it time. I know the distance is a big problem. It depends on how much you all want this and your efforts will show what you really want. People who yearn for the Jewish faith will do much to bring it into their lives. I can attest to this personally. Sometimes you just need to get clear who you are and what you need and then just do what you have to, starting from where you are, one foot after the other.

It is a shame about that guy trying to make out. But you get all types and his behaviour does not speak against Judaism but against himself. Don't cut yourself off from what you need and should do because of the pain you suffered from people. Hashem is the only truly dependable source, and Hashem will guide you if you just are open to this.

Once your husband is a convert, he is as Jewish as a born Jew.

I hope more knowledgable people than me will advise you. If you don't get the advice you need somewhere, keep asking around and in all sorts of places. Have you tried the site askmoses.com ? It is unreal. It has a wide range of answers archived and you can speak personally to a rabbi or expert online and they are just lovely and so helpful. Wow! What a gift !

Don't give up, ok ?

quote:

Originally posted by Amy:
Sorry, I've been away at the hospital. My husband fell down our front stairs and ripped the quadricep tendon from his kneecap and was in for emergency surgery. He was recovering from the stroke pretty well. I don't know if his balance was still off and that's why he fell, or if it was just a regular fall. Yes, I'm Jewish but I haven't been to services in a long time. When I was in the military I went, but the layman (the Rabbi had been reassigned to another post) starting making passes at me (with my daughter right there!). My husband had already been sent overseas. I was so unhappy about it I haven't been back. I want my children to know their Jewish heritage and traditions and my husband wants to learn as well. I think its great that he wants to convert, he's so sweet, he'd do anything for me. We've been married 19 years. What kind of steps would he have to take to convert? (he's already circumcised so that's good.) We are two hours from any type of Jewish community. Are there any options? Thanks so much!

Wow! Thanks Rosemary! I've bought a few books; "Essential Judiasm" and some kids books for my little kinderschnitzels. I even got a childrens hebrew alphabet poster. My honey will be laid up for the next three months and then they have to fix the herniated discs in his neck. This will give him some time to study (once he can think straight, his meds are strong!) We are 1 hour from Yuma, AZ and 2 hours from San Diego. I will check out the communities and see what is available. My family is reform, except my oldest brother who is conservative. You mention that you're from an assimilated family, in what way? Thanks for the info and support. I will check out the sites you recommended.

quote:

Originally posted by Philippa:
The children of an intermarriage are Jewish(if the mother is) but will they have problems getting married? Not on a social level, but on a halachic level?

The Childern are Jewish and there is no halachic problem.

Hi Amy,

You're already making a start. Great !

Your poor man. I hope he recovers steadily. And it is a good opportunity for him to lear, think and pray, etc, when he is up to it. Does he like music and listening to talks ? You can get good Jewish CDs and can get downloads from Aish audio at Aish.com. Some you have to pay for and I find this a problem myself, but all things are as they should be. Just do what you can and keep at it.

"Assimilated" for my family means they didn't want to or couldn't be Jewish or just drifted away, in varying proportions.They were all in isolated or rural areas, by the way. Records show that thousands of Jews in Australia have just vanished from the records. But I am not sure of the full story why, for my family or other people. I just know things like that my mother's mother was soooooo secretive, paranoid and aggro about some things; and my father is devious about the subject. I was confused and didn't twig to what my gran was hiding, or why she was so angry at me sometimes about certain things (eg, my questions or my inquisitiveness) till I was an adult and her mother told me, just like that, but asked me to keep it quiet and not to tell my grandmother she had told me as my gran would be very angry (and that fitted).

But the Jewish isn't just via my mother in that way. It seems odd to me, given the extent of their secretiveness, ignorance of all sorts of things and non adherence to Judaism, that the different spouses still found each other, like iron filings to a magnet, and I have given some thought to this. I think part of the reason may be that some things DO get handed down (good and bad).And I don't altogether know who knows what. Also, maybe it has to do with having a Jewish neshama, but I don't really understand about this. It is just that I have picked up a suggestive bit about the Jewish soul , and also some odd things I don't really understand have happened to me or I have experieced them in my life, that I can't explain easily, but, to cut a long story short, ended up leading me back though it took a long time and I don't know how I made it. I guess there are lots of things we don't understand now and/or will never understand.

This site is orthodox. You need to work out what you and your family are going to choose. Orthodox says it is the only true Judaism and there will be certain problems if your husband doesn't have an orthodox conversion. And, oops, I guess you and your kids could have problems too because of the reform background. You need to look into this. It isn't as in Christianity where, if one is baptised in most Christian denominations, the baptism (ie becoming Christian) is seen as valid by most other denominations. And what one believes (and does of course) as a Jew is very important. I guess it comes down to this for you and your family so you and your husband can decide what is the best course of action for you. A good question may be what you each want out of being Jewish.

But I know only so much. You need expert advice.

quote:

Originally posted by Amy:
Wow! Thanks Rosemary! I've bought a few books; "Essential Judiasm" and some kids books for my little kinderschnitzels. I even got a childrens hebrew alphabet poster. My honey will be laid up for the next three months and then they have to fix the herniated discs in his neck. This will give him some time to study (once he can think straight, his meds are strong!) We are 1 hour from Yuma, AZ and 2 hours from San Diego. I will check out the communities and see what is available. My family is reform, except my oldest brother who is conservative. You mention that you're from an assimilated family, in what way? Thanks for the info and support. I will check out the sites you recommended.

Amy, I don't exactly where you are located, but chances are that there is a Chabad near you. My family is not religious at all(my father is not even Jewish) but the orthodox Jewish community really helped me become more religious and were very accepting. Once you find that community, or even person, you can learn so much, and I'm sure there is someone so willing to learn with your husband, or even you. Artscroll and Feldheim have really good books. One book I definately recommend is an inspirational story called Migrant Soul by Avi Shafran "The fascinating biography of a descendant of full-blooded American Indians who marries an assimilated Jewess and begins an amazing quest for truth and meaning.(feldheim.com) Its really good and very inspiring. There are many other books from Feldheim that are like this. This one in particular is about a non-Jew who marries a Jew, the family becomes more religious and the husband goes from a reform conversion to an orthodox one after learning more and more. I wish you luck with your journey!
-Philippa

I'm located on the Mexican border. The closest possible areas would be Yuma, Az or San Diego, Ca. When my husband converts will he be considered Jewish by all Jews? I've heard that Orthodox Jews will not accept him as Jewish. I'll check that book out it sounds quite good. Thanks much! Amy

quote:

Originally posted by Philippa:
Amy, I don't exactly where you are located, but chances are that there is a Chabad near you. My family is not religious at all(my father is not even Jewish) but the orthodox Jewish community really helped me become more religious and were very accepting. Once you find that community, or even person, you can learn so much, and I'm sure there is someone so willing to learn with your husband, or even you. Artscroll and Feldheim have really good books. One book I definately recommend is an inspirational story called Migrant Soul by Avi Shafran "The fascinating biography of a descendant of full-blooded American Indians who marries an assimilated Jewess and begins an amazing quest for truth and meaning.(feldheim.com) Its really good and very inspiring. There are many other books from Feldheim that are like this. This one in particular is about a non-Jew who marries a Jew, the family becomes more religious and the husband goes from a reform conversion to an orthodox one after learning more and more. I wish you luck with your journey!
-Philippa

Hi Amy,

As I think the Rabbi on this site will probably tell you soon, when he reviews our recent posts,you can't just say "Jewish". You have to go into it more.

To Orthodox Jews, an Orthodox conversion is needed.So it is not just a matter of "conversion" . You have to say what sort of conversion , ie, conversion to what " sort" of " Judaism".This is a subject you need to get clear on before you decide what synagogue your family should affiliate with and, presumably, your husband should convert through.

I should add that there is an important matter of belief differences going on between the different types of Judaism. If your husband is to be a sincere convert, and maybe even to find a Rabbi willing to convert him,he needs to address himself to issues concerning Jewish belief and decide what he accepts. A good question here may be what he wants to gain from being Jewish.

There are a number of good books on conversion to Judaism (eg, see Amazon.com as it gives comments; a wide range of books; and you can buy second hand a big savings. But of course places like Feldheim and Artscroll are important to check also, but they don't have 2nd hand that I am aware of - If they do please somebody tell me how).Make sure you eventually match the books you get to the type of conversion as there are differences. But you do need first hand connection with a synagogue. And your husband has to learn what it is to be a member of a Jewish community - this is BIG !

It is not just a matter of will Orthodox Jews accept a "convert". Of course they will - IF he or she converts to Orthodox.THEN they are as Jewish as anyone and neither they nor anybody else should refer to them as converts.


You said you and your family are not orthodox. I have realised that I do not know enough about this matter for Jews who are of unbroken matrilineal descent. You need a rabbi's advice for yourself and your children and I would be most interested to hear the answer as I have not heard the question asked this way before.Possibly there is no problem . This question is different to the one about a convert.I know there is a problem with the latter case.

All the best and don't give up.

By the way, Shabbat is now over here but I guess it is still Shabbat over there.

quote:

Originally posted by Amy:
I'm located on the Mexican border. The closest possible areas would be Yuma, Az or San Diego, Ca. When my husband converts will he be considered Jewish by all Jews? I've heard that Orthodox Jews will not accept him as Jewish. I'll check that book out it sounds quite good. Thanks much! Amy

quote:

Originally posted by Philippa:
Amy, I don't exactly where you are located, but chances are that there is a Chabad near you. My family is not religious at all(my father is not even Jewish) but the orthodox Jewish community really helped me become more religious and were very accepting. Once you find that community, or even person, you can learn so much, and I'm sure there is someone so willing to learn with your husband, or even you. Artscroll and Feldheim have really good books. One book I definately recommend is an inspirational story called Migrant Soul by Avi Shafran "The fascinating biography of a descendant of full-blooded American Indians who marries an assimilated Jewess and begins an amazing quest for truth and meaning.(feldheim.com) Its really good and very inspiring. There are many other books from Feldheim that are like this. This one in particular is about a non-Jew who marries a Jew, the family becomes more religious and the husband goes from a reform conversion to an orthodox one after learning more and more. I wish you luck with your journey!
-Philippa

Hi Rosemary and Philippa,
There is so much to think about! I'm hoping we'll get a transfer to Detroit. I know there's a large Jewish community there. Can either of you tell me about aquiring/earning a Jewish name? Does one just pick one or does a Rabbi or parent choose it? I'll check out amazon for the recommended books. It is already getting up to 112 degrees here so it is a good time to stay indoors with the a.c. on.
Thanks, Amy