A married man who committed a shameful act that became known to others, and his wife sues him for divorce because of that act, is this seen as valid grounds for a divorce under the heading מאיס עלי (I find him unbearable) ?

מאוס עלי only applies to conditions which existed before the marriage contract. One would have to demonstrate that the objectionable behavior existed before the marriage. Even if the defect was known and acceptable at the time of the contract, in many cases the woman can still say, I thought I could handle it but I can't.

Aryeh Shore

Aryeh,
Is there such a concept as "no fault" divorce in halacha? Can people divorce because they are just sick of each other?

Dear Moshe,

Over the centuries the rabbis have increased the protection for women.

This was necessary as the marriage contract is seen as a fiscal obligation on the man and he is the one who gives the divorce. Several opinions are given for grounds, the minmalist view is the man doesn't like something about the woman (she burns the food). In any event, the man doesn't need to tell anyone why he is divorcing the wife since it was felt that the substantial payment he gives the wife would be a sufficient deterent. In the middle ages, the rabbis made an ordinance that one can not divorce a wife against her will.

A woman seeking a divorce has to go to court since she "benefits" from the divorce. She can seek divorce on grounds that the husband had a defect which she can not stand or in modern times physical or mental abuse. The court then orders the divorce but they can not issue one unless the man agrees. This leads to all sorts of undesirable consequences like the woman not being able to get married for years and extortion. One can say that religious jews know the law and accept this when they marry. However in Israel, all jews have undergo this cruelity. This is the reason that 40% of the couples just refuse to get married officially as they are not willing to be subjected to extortion.

Aryeh Shore

quote:

In the middle ages, the rabbis made an ordinance that one can not divorce a wife against her will.

My chavrusa and I were just learning this subject in Gemara Bava Metzia on daf 11 I think... that a woman can be divorced against her well, and from this derive something about ability to accept an item through their courtyard with or without being present.

What are some of the ramifications of this enactment?

Was this enactment made before or after the ashkenazi practice of prohibiting multiple wives concurrently?

If an ashkenazi man is divorced by secular standards and his estranged wife refuses to accept a "get", is he permitted by the Jewish court to marry another wife? If he has no children from his defunct marriage would that play into it?

If a divorce can only be by the woman's preference / benefit, does this mean that she can in fact receive a "get" without being present, through her courtyard, for example?

When such enactments are made are all these ramifications generally thought through ahead of time for how to be reconciled?

The ordinance that a man can not divorce a wife against her will is in the same package as not taking a second wife. It does not apply to sephardic jews who have other mechanisms for handling the problem.
The proscription is not all encompassing and there are several cases where a man can divorce a woman against her will or take a second wife.
If a man goes against the court and divorces his wife, the divorce is valid. The court may punish the man and attach his property to ensure payment of the divorce settlement.
This can lead to some very unpleasant situations.
Bottom line: Many orthodox scholars are in favor of prenuptial agreements which can prevent many of these problems. I would advise young couples to sign a prenuptial (basically our standard marriage contract is a prenuptial agreement which outlines the terms of divorce. In the past it has been used for many purposes but in recent times everyone just seems to use the default form.). [Of course my advice has no particular value, I mean that many Rabbis who I read their works advise and that the forms are available].

Aryeh Shore

Some has married a woman and she said she would cover her hair. She did for the first two weeks. Then she gave many excuses and eventual got a not from a doctor. She is basicaly a Pruztz, who wont wear a bra or Underwear most of the time at least at home. Many other issues. To complicate the maters they have a child, they have been married 2 or 3 years. The rabbi's won't help this guy as many of there wives don't cover there hair of most of schuls have the Aaron Hakodosh any where but Mizrach. She is privening him from Living in Israel at least in Religious community. They currently live in galut. He wants to live a religious life in Israel. What should he do?

B"H

Alamedvav,

I do not see myself as much of a counsellor, but your story about "someone's wife" is touching. I have seen these kind of women before. They are the last vestiges of the "hippie" generation, and are usually very ideological persons. They have the potential to become very religious and spiritual persons. I think, perhaps, that much of their present condition has to do with their upbringing, and never having seen what a Jewish home should really be like.

I think that coming to Israel will be a real "eye opener" for her. Even if the couple should live at first in a non-religious neighborhood, it will still be an "eye-opener" for the woman.

הכל מעלין לקודש ואין הכל מורדין

May G-d help our dear sister.

David

Pray, pray, pray.