Batya’s dedication to Moshe had a profound impact on him. It awakened within him powerful feelings of love and sensitivity for his people. Indeed, his total devotion to his people burned within his heart like a consuming fire. While Moshe was still yet a prince in Pharaohs' palace he felt deep empathy for his people: And he went out to his people and saw their suffering (Exodus 2:11). Chazal, our wise explain (Shemos Raba 81:27): "He would see their suffering and cry, ‘I have such pity on them. I wish my death would some how free them from their burdens. There is no labor more grueling than working with mud.’ And he would give his shoulder and help each one of them carry his load."

The essential quality of a Jewish leader is passionate care and unyielding dedication to help every Jew. In addition, he has the sensitivity to relate to each Jew according to his individual nature and needs. There is no attribute more precious to Hashem, than to devot! e oneself to loving and helping Klal Yisrael—with heart and soul. May the example of Moshe Rabenu awaken within us the love of every Jew—and may we merit to serve each one faithfully and appropriately.


Implement: Empathize with—and give of yourself—to help a fellow Jew.


(Based on Sichos Mussar of Rav Chaim Shmuelevitz, section B, article 24.

I need advice on the matter of how to make the right decision when a disturbed Jew is constantly turning to oneself for help and attention but this person does bad things and also is constantly negative towards one and is completely onesided unless it is useful to be otherwise. Also, this person could do much more to help herself and could forego many things she tries to get. I am having problems with feeling guilty and in distinguishing between being unselfish and looking after oneself (if this is the right way to put it).This person is extremely demanding, judgmental , keeps talking on and on and on as if just to fill the air with chatter,and keeps making comments about me/putting the focus on me in a pointing sort of way when she is not chattering or trying to get something. I would really like to be free of her and to focus on my own concerns but I don't want to be uncompassionate.

Rosemary, sometimes it is uncompassionate to NOT react to the person's bad habits. It is best for you to see, especially if that person is disturbed mentally, but there are situations when you have to show compassion not by listening to everything she is telling you and not by catering to every whim of hers, but by telling or showing that person that she is not the only person in the universe, and that you are not her tape recorder, and others have their own problems too - in a tactful manner, but sternly. Such response will start her turning away from her exclusive self-interest. It's like a scratched record: you have to move the stylus to continue listening to the music.

You have a good point here,it seems to me, about being uncompassionate Not to react to a person's bad habits.

Ah, but this is a hard one, Alex. This woman is not much open to correction ,though I have managed to influence her a little such as by shusshing her when she speaks loudly against other women in shul or drawing it to her attention that she does not really know something she is assuming about another person. In fact this woman gets angry at correction as she takes it as criticism and rejection, etc. I know I must have annoyed her somehow when I become aware she is making nasty digs at me or is behaving inconsiderately. I think it is fair to say that she can't change much and that I must tread very carefully or she could cause trouble somehow.

This still leaves me with my dilemma of what I should do. I am torn because I hate having her in my life with all her intrusions,demands, beggings, wheedlings, self-centerdness, superficiality, anger, nastiness, dishonesty and overall bad focus.

She is not a person I would choose for a friend and she leaves me feeling used, drained and anxious. But we should be prepared to suffer in the doing of compassion, shouldn't we ? The question may be where is the dividing line? Trouble is, this person doesn't know about dividing lines. She moves in and takes over in one way or the other. But I feel sorry for her as she tells me the most sad stories of how she is in trouble and needs this or that.

I am sorry I didn't get back to my posting earlier. The last 2 weeks have been very busy for me. I have now requested that I be notified by email if somebody posts in reply and this should help me a lot in getting back when I should.

quote:

Originally posted by Alex:
Rosemary, sometimes it is uncompassionate to NOT react to the person's bad habits. It is best for you to see, especially if that person is disturbed mentally, but there are situations when you have to show compassion not by listening to everything she is telling you and not by catering to every whim of hers, but by telling or showing that person that she is not the only person in the universe, and that you are not her tape recorder, and others have their own problems too - in a tactful manner, but sternly. Such response will start her turning away from her exclusive self-interest. It's like a scratched record: you have to move the stylus to continue listening to the music.

This message has been edited. Last edited by: Rosemary,

This is an update, for closure.

I ended up deciding to be firmer with this woman in some respects.

Firstly,as my leg was injured, I decided to ring her on my mobile to come to my car when I called to take her somewhere, instead of getting out and walking to and knocking on her door as usual.She was angry all the way to where we were going and sang and muttered to herself and stiffly and pointedly ignored me.

Secondly, I later returned a 9ct gold item of jewellery to her that she had asked me to find a loop for so she could hang it off a neck chain.My reason was that I could not afford a good quality loop from a jeweller and that I was afraid I would lose it.

Thirdly, I told her that it was not possible to take her to a particular place for a few weeks and gave her the (true) reason (incompatible times).

I did all this pleasantly and also gave her a little gift of hand cream (I often gave her gifts of necessities as she made her needs known to me).

But the woman flashed into angry mode. She started to ridicule me for how I mentioned "I had almost died" when I thought I had lost her piece of jewellery recently", making fun of the "almost died" bit to people present.Next she said haughtily that she didn't need me to take her anywhere in future (though she really did).Finally she linked her arm through that of a female visitor and stalked off abruply with her with her nose in the air. Now she snubs me whenever she sees me and has made some not nice loshon hora comments about me to some people.

It is nice to be free of this woman. But I had not intended to cut her off, at least yet,as I wasn't sure I should. I was just trying to sort out a few things. And I am very uncomfortable at how this woman is pointedly snubbing me, eg at shul and saying bad things.

All this reminds me of some experiences way back when I was about 7 years old, schoolyard fights of a petty nature. I am thinking that it might be better in future if I am very choosy about who I let get even a little close to me.

Does this sound ok ? I am feeling uncertain at the moment and would like to put this all behind me. If I need to learn from it, I need to be sure about what I need to learn.

Rosemary,

Do you need her? If you do, then why? It looks like she only needed you as her personal servant. Well, we have just celebrated Passover. You seem to have made your personal Exodus. In the old times, a Hebrew servant was to be released on the 7th year... Just my ramblings...

Thanks Alex. No, I don't need her. Good question. I did feel a bit of grief somewhere, somehow, but maybe it did not have a good basis.Better to be rid of her.She has a long history of broken relationships by the way and is a chronic people user, etc.

She wasn't even going to shul when the Rabbi asked me to take her somewhere so I didn't know her . He didn't ask me to do anything else. But she was all over me like a rash and cried needy, etc. She has done this to other people, I subsequently found out. But I felt sorry for her and so I got sucked into her spider's web and was still sticking there despite my awareness of things about her. But I was a fly that did keep trying to be myself and I did mostly pull her up nicely when she did bad things ,though occasionally I was so shocked I didn't know what to say.

So now she has released me from my enslavement and it feels just great.It was as if she kept injecting her poison into me to immobilize me and keep me serving her and I still hadn't found the antidote.

Now I am freed to look after myself and my family better and I have lots to do on that score. So I am going to focus on that.To start with, for a couple of days, it was as if I could still hear her sweetly chattering voice in my head. Now thankfully it is gone.

I am happy to be freed of her and will not look back.