I've lived in a few different communities over the years and I've noticed that in some the community situation is so poor that it is just rife with sinas chinam. The 'orthodox', 'conservative' and 'reform' Jews all butt heads with each other and can be downright nasty. I've noticed in a couple of communities that within the own orthodox community the sinas chinam is absolutely tremendous.
Here we are, waiting for moshiach, and within our own groups is virulent sinas chinam.
What will it take for people to wake up? don't they see what is going on?
Wake up! wake up! open our eyes and hearts to ahavas chinam! and if you aren't too sure what to say or if you overheard something accidentally, then DON'T say anything at all.

(This is no way is directed at any particular community, but a general observation noted over the course of many years in different communities.)

quote:

Originally posted by Rivkaleah:
Here we are, waiting for moshiach, and within our own groups is virulent sinas chinam.
What will it take for people to wake up? don't they see what is going on?
Wake up! wake up! open our eyes and hearts to ahavas chinam! and if you aren't too sure what to say or if you overheard something accidentally, then DON'T say anything at all.

There's a poem titled "Moshiach's Hat", which expresses this very well, which can be read at this website: http://www.haruth.com/JSMoshiachsHat.html

I wonder if a problem regarding this can be telling the difference between what does and does not matter. Any suggestions? I'm serious as I'll pulled at my hair often enough over this .

quote:

What will it take for people to wake up? don't they see what is going on?

The various programs (some of them on the Internet) to learn the Sefer Chafetz Chayim on the Laws of Lashon Hora should be widely publicised and encouraged.

Aha! Thank you very much .

quote:

Originally posted by Yisroel Phillips:
The various programs (some of them on the Internet) to learn the Sefer Chafetz Chayim on the Laws of Lashon Hora should be widely publicised and encouraged.

I went and got my "Chofetz Chaim: A Daily Companion" (Sefer Chofetz Chaim) and a couple more of his writings eg, "Lessons in Truth". I'll be working through them better.

In the obvious way, re loshon hora, he is undoubtedly a help. I will have to see how it goes re the different matter of when one isn't committing loshon hora but still has the dilemma re confrontation ("confrontation" not being bad per se, in the interpersonal sense). This seems to move past the ethical into the strategic.

quote:

Originally posted by Yisroel Phillips:
The various programs (some of them on the Internet) to learn the Sefer Chafetz Chayim on the Laws of Lashon Hora should be widely publicised and encouraged.

Many people will take on an hour a day where they do not speak any lashon hara. If they are concerned that it will be difficult then they choose an hour when they will be occupied in other pursuits so the chance of speaking lashon hara is greatly diminished. One can dedicate their hour to the zchus of someone needing a refuah sh'leima or for ilui neshama, etc. Also there is a program running today, like daf yomi, but instead two halachas a day of Lashon Hara - taken from "Guard Your Tongue" by the Chofetz Chaim.

Thanks for that

Do you remember on which writing of Chofetz Chaim "Guard your Tongue" is based? I just have to make sure I don't have it in another presentation. And do you mean the Rabbi Pliskin book?

Also, do you know the name of that Chofetz Chaim/loshon hora teaching program ? I have seen it somewhere and may even have subscribed to it at some time but now I have forgotten. I'd like to subscribe to it again.

quote:

Originally posted by Rivkaleah:
Many people will take on an hour a day where they do not speak any lashon hara. If they are concerned that it will be difficult then they choose an hour when they will be occupied in other pursuits so the chance of speaking lashon hara is greatly diminished. One can dedicate their hour to the zchus of someone needing a refuah sh'leima or for ilui neshama, etc. Also there is a program running today, like daf yomi, but instead two halachas a day of Lashon Hara - taken from "Guard Your Tongue" by the Chofetz Chaim.

To clarify a bit about my concerns. I am interested in loshon hora but not only this.

For example if one takes the idea of a pupil and a teacher, should the pupil just say "Yes, thank you" and keep quiet on his or her doubts and confusion.

And what about when one is being actually verbally abused - viciously tongue lashed - by somebody one has to mix with often such as a family member or work colleague? Should one keep silent ? What if speaking up as gently and rationally assertive (as opposed to aggressive or passive) as one can to the abusive person just inflames them more? With some people , the sort who tend to be abusive and look out just for themselves, if you keep quiet they just think they are being given permission to keep on being abusive or to behave badly. But they hate it if you speak up as you are getting in their way and creating a problem for them so they really attack you and often very personally. I am very much wanting an ethical solution here. It is important that we know in our minds and hearts that we are doing the right thing. This is especially important if we are mixing with disordered people or rashas who try to beat/break us down, feel badly about ourselves, and think we are doing the wrong thing - that is their big tactic as all the psychology books on abuse show.

quote:

Originally posted by Rosemary:
I went and got my "Chofetz Chaim: A Daily Companion" (Sefer Chofetz Chaim) and a couple more of his writings eg, "Lessons in Truth". I'll be working through them better.

In the obvious way, re loshon hora, he is undoubtedly a help. I will have to see how it goes re the different matter of when one isn't committing loshon hora but still has the dilemma re confrontation ("confrontation" not being bad per se, in the interpersonal sense). This seems to move past the ethical into the strategic.

quote:

Originally posted by Yisroel Phillips:
The various programs (some of them on the Internet) to learn the Sefer Chafetz Chayim on the Laws of Lashon Hora should be widely publicised and encouraged.

quote:

Originally posted by Yisroel Phillips:
The various programs (some of them on the Internet) to learn the Sefer Chafetz Chayim on the Laws of Lashon Hora should be widely publicised and encouraged.

I agree about L'Shon Hora, but some people use this as intimidation to keep people from trying to make a change in an area where there is a genuine problem (personal experience) because they want things to continue as they always have.....There is a difference between slander and kvetching, and voicing a need for change. There is a great difference between confronting the problem with someone who could/should do something about it and simply kvetching.

Lashon hara is a big problem in Yiddishkeit and it's almost as if our souls crave it. Sometimes we conscientiously create more lashon hara while trying to avoid it. When it comes to shidduch, lashon hara becomes even more bizzare because many erroneously believe it's allowed.

We might surprise ourselves if we monitor our telephone conversations. The irony is that it is probably the most serious of all aveirot because mystically it opens up all the faculties of din against us....especially when it's true. In other words, if we never say lashon hara, when we get to judgment, our file will be empty and there will be no evidence and no witnesses against us. Yes, just like OJ Simpson.

Just learning and talking Torah is a good antidote.

People have different customs and different writing styles. What may seem like Lashon Hara to one may not be to another. Also, in a rabbinic court of law Lashon Hara may be required, so it can't be all bad.

http://www.chofetzchaimusa.org/

Chofetz Chaim Heritage Foundation


Telephone Classes

Our Chazak Inspiration Line offers easy-to-listen-to, 10 minute lectures on a wide range of topics such as Shalom Bayis, Shmiras Halashon, Inspiration for Difficult Times and Attaining Happiness. Callers have the opportunity to be inspired by some of today's most dynamic speakers, including Rabbi Yissocher Frand, Rabbi Ezriel Tauber, Rabbi Fishel Schachter and others. This free service is available 24 hours a day at: 718-258-2008 pin # 1234 and 845-356-6665 pin # 3100.


E-mail

Our email products offer subscribers a daily dose of inspiration. Shmiras Haloshon Yomi is a daily email, taken from the highly popular Chofetz Chaim: A Lesson A Day. Inspiration Online offers quotes from the Torah's timeless wisdom that will motivate and inspire. Email editorial@chofetzchaimusa.org to subscribe.

quote:

Originally posted by Yisroel Phillips:
The various programs (some of them on the Internet) to learn the Sefer Chafetz Chayim on the Laws of Lashon Hora should be widely publicised and encouraged.

Sam,
Thanks for the info. I got a hooked for a few minutes. Great stuff!

Here are some links to various sources on the laws of Proper Speach:

Audio classes from aishaudio.com [I think one needs to create an account, which is free, for the "tapes" that are available for free]. - http://www.aishaudio.com/search/results.php?rc=email080...044i&directkw=080705

More audio "tapes" - http://www.torahmedia.com/search/results.php?sid=&cid=&...on&start=59&total=68

To purchase the book "Chofetz Chaim: A Lesson A Day" - from Artscroll - http://www.artscroll.com/Books/LADH.html

A list of a number of Seforim (books) available for purchase from - www.judaism.com - http://www.judaism.com/search.asp?type=quicksearch&sctn=242

Illustrated presentation of Shmiras Halashon - http://www.pirchei.com/pictoral/loshon/index.htm

quote:

Originally posted by MosheYisraeli:
Sam,
Thanks for the info. I got a hooked for a few minutes. Great stuff!

You're most welcome. Baruch Hashem I was able to find the information. Also, the numbers mentioned above, if called on a cellphone with free/extra minutes, is a free call anywhere where a 718/845 number is free.