I am in middle of reading the Fifth Commandment, (a book on kibud av v'eim - honoring parents) and I came upon the halachic obligation that children have to feed their parents. According to the book, children are obligated to provide their parents with food, however if the parents can afford their own food then the children just have to prepare the food and serve it to them.

However, in the families I have seen (and I'm assuming this is the norm) it is the exact opposite! Parents exert themselves to prepare and serve their children the food. Any ideas why this is so?

B"H

Gila,

It would seem that the halacha there refers to children feeding their parents when the father and mother are elderly people who cannot provide for their own, due to old age. Indeed, this is the practice of many countries.

David

Are you sure? The book doesn't seem to mention anything about whether the parents are able to provide their own food, it just says that if they can afford their own food than the child only has to prepare it (including grocery shopping, cooking and serving) see Rashba to Yevamos 6a, Tosafos to Kiddushin 32a s.v., Biur HaGra to Y.D. 240:36.

Besides which, this is inlcuded under honoring parents, so it would seem that parents are due this honor whether or not they are able to do it for themselves. If it only applies when parents cannot do it themselves, it isn't so much an honor rather than caring for them, no? Just as it isn't considered honoring children when you give them food, it's considered caring for them.

You are right Gila, it is considered honoring your parents by serving them.The reason we don't see this often is because most parents would rather not have this honor bestowed upon them. One should still try to avoid being directly served by one's parents.

B"H

Gila,
The commandment to honour one's parents would include taking them out for a stroll in their old age, as also providing for them food in their old age. This is without question.

This does not mean that a small child could not make his parents a meal, if he should decide to do so. But usually parents forfeit this honour, and would rather do the providing for their children.

David

What is the halacha for an adopted child or a son-in-law or daughter-in-law. Neither of them are bound to the "parent" by blood- but are bound through them by either adoption or marriage. What is the obligation upon these two situations?

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Originally posted by Rabbi Y. Kacev:
One should still try to avoid being directly served by one's parents.

What if one's parent insists on serving? Then it would be in the category of honor to one's parents by allowing it.

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The reason we don't see this often is because most parents would rather not have this honor bestowed upon them.

I wouldn't mind at all, but my son is only 18 months

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What is the halacha for an adopted child or a son-in-law or daughter-in-law.

In-laws are obligated in honoring their parents-in-law to some extent but are exempt from the halachic aspects of revering them.

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This does not mean that a small child could not make his parents a meal, if he should decide to do so. But usually parents forfeit this honour, and would rather do the providing for their children.

1. An adult child can have parents who are young enough to be able to care for themselves.

2. Regarding forfeiting the honors due them, I think the halacha is that the child MUST ASK the parent if they have forfeited the honor, alternatively the parent must specify that they have forfeited the honor and they must specify that it is a permanent waiver, otherwise the child is still obligated. Nevertheless, it is still a mitzva for the child to honor them.

Obviously it is not reasonable (or safe) to expect a small child to prepare the food for the parents, but by the time the child is old enough to prepare a meal, one would think that parents have worked hard enough and invested so much so that they would welcome the break that the child preparing the food would provide.

It seems to me that people are unaware of this obligation, or they think that it only applies when the parents are unable to prepare it for themselves. Well, perhaps we will set this right in my home

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Originally posted by Gila:
"Regarding forfeiting the honors due them, I think the halacha is that the child MUST ASK the parent if they have forfeited the honor, alternatively the parent must specify that they have forfeited the honor and they must specify that it is a permanent waiver, otherwise the child is still obligated. Nevertheless, it is still a mitzva for the child to honor them."

Gila,

The obligation for a child to honour his parents is plain to me. What is not plain to me is whether or not he must ask permission from his parents to abstain from making them meals. This is the first that I have ever heard of such things. Do you have a source for this halacha? Where is it written? Can a child not just assume that his parents forfeit that honour, and there is no requirement of his actually having to receive verbal permission?

We ought to be very cautious here. The greatest Rabbis whom I have ever known have never, to my knowledge, made this a requisite of their children, nor have they taught the matter as such to their congregants.

David