What does it mean to 'asei l'cha rav'; how does one go about it and how does one know which rav is 'right'? How does one develop a relationship with the Rav so the Rav knows him well? Is this statement generally incumbant only on the man or is it applicable to a woman as well. How could a woman develop a relationship with a rav when she herself does not normally speak with men.

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How could a woman develop a relationship with a rav when she herself does not normally speak with men.

I would think there should be no hesitation for a woman to speak with a rav.

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Originally posted by Rivkaleah:
What does it mean to 'asei l'cha rav';

Literally: "Make for yourself a Rabbi".

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how does one go about it

Well, Rivkaleah, do you have a Rabbi in your city that has a Shul that you can or do attend? If yes, then there are a number of ways to do so. First, what you could do, is find out if there are any classes for women that are given by this Rabbi and then see if you can attend these and eventually through these appearances you'd get to know him.

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and how does one know which rav is 'right'?

That is a good question. You want to make sure this Rav/Rabbi is - Orthodox, find out who he studied under and get an idea of who those Rabbis are, for starters.

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How does one develop a relationship with the Rav so the Rav knows him well?

This takes time, by consistently attending that shul and when you have a question that needs a Rabbi, you call him to answer them.

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Is this statement generally incumbant only on the man or is it applicable to a woman as well.

Well, if a woman is married then she usually will follow the customs and Rabbi that her husband has.

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How could a woman develop a relationship with a rav when she herself does not normally speak with men.

Like I suggested above, attend shiurim and attend the shul for Shabbos and Holidays. A Rabbi is not the same as "men".

Hope this helps you.

okay, I was trying to ask a general question, but apparently was not specfic enough. There is not an issue of finding an orthodox shul (I live in a large city with, B"H, many shuls and rabbeim). I personally have always gone to shul every shabbos and Y"T - unless someone in my house was quite ill and needed me to stay home. I was a regular in my shul for years until the birth of my twins which coincided w/ a move to a different neighborhood. Now I cannot walk to shul every shabbos because of my babies - although i still attend -just rather irregularly. I cannot at this time attend regular shiurim; B"H I have a large family which is dependent on me being at home - the youngest in my family being a set of infant twins - and a husand who works unusual and irregular hours due to his parnassa. Years ago, I did attend shiurim with some regularity, however this is not possible today.
In as much as I asked about women choosing a rav, my question was intended for the man who does not have a rav to whom he can turn. If the said man does not have a 'connection' a kesher with a shul, shiurim or a rav because he 'shul-hops', how can he develop this relationship?

The situation you describe certainly will make it more difficult for a person to develop a relationship with a Rav. A person will have to go out of his way and work on developing this relationship, it will not just happen by itself. What does your husband do if he has a shayla. Is there a Rav he goes to? Where does he get his shaylos answered?

It depends on the shaila - if it is kashrus then he goes to one person, if it is taharas hamishpacha then he goes to the rav of my choice, if it is a third type of shaila, then well, there is no good answer. The reason why the kashrus and taharas mishpacha shaila aren't taken to the same rav is because usually the kashrus rav is out of town, whereas taharas hamishpacha necessitates a rav who is local.

Why can't you take your kashrus questions to the same Rav?

Rivkaleah,
well it is not easy to answer because their a many possiblities. such as the man talks with the rabbi and though he still shul-hops he can still communicate with the rabbi as a friend. the other way is the rabbi introduce himself and the person likes the rabbi which begans a relationship between them. still another possiblity is due to the members of the community by developing a relationship with them he will hear about their rabbi and decide if he want develop a relationship with the rabbi.

but one who choose his rav mostly doesn't happen right away it is more of a friendship thing which deveolpe to a point where the person sees the rabbi as their rav.

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Originally posted by Sam-:
Why can't you take your kashrus questions to the same Rav?

Because some rabbeim are very well-versed in one subject, but not another; so my husband speaks with a rav whose focus is kashrus for kashrus shailas.

Is it possible to discuss other questions with the Rav to whom your husband brings the Tahara shaylos?

That is possible, but he does not seem to have a kesher with this rav. I would like my husband to be able to ask any type of shaila such as a hashkafic one and feel comfortable with the answer.

I guess that is one of the problems with the phenomona we have today of "shul hopping". People will not be able to develop a kesher with a Rav which is very important.

The options here would either be to pick one shul where he is most comftorable and stick with them and its Rov, or by asking the Rov he goes to for shaylos, all kinds of questions, which would lead to developing a kesher with him.

Isn't there an idea that one is not allowed to "shul hop" and look for "deals" where a rabbi is lenient in a given-area and you go to him for one reason, and another rabbi is lenient in another area and you go there for that psak. Isn't this wrong?

I think you will often find that the Rav who is the most lenient on a particular aspect of Halacha is the one who is the most expert in that field of Halacha.

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Originally posted by Yisroel Phillips:
I think you will often find that the Rav who is the most lenient on a particular aspect of Halacha is the one who is the most expert in that field of Halacha.

Yes, Rebbe Yisroel! You are absolutely correct. The Talmud says: כח דהתירא עדיף , meaning, "The power to render a thing permissible is preferable [over rendering a thing forbidden]."

Therefore, I have often heard it stated by my Rabbi and teacher, "the Sukkah of a Talmid Hocham raises a lot of questions." (For only the unlearned will be quick to say "it's invalid!")

David

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Originally posted by Sam-:
Isn't there an idea that one is not allowed to "shul hop" and look for "deals" where a rabbi is lenient in a given-area and you go to him for one reason, and another rabbi is lenient in another area and you go there for that psak. Isn't this wrong?

Rebbe Sam,

This is also a true statement. A man is expected to have his own Rabbi (עשה לך רב והסתלק מן הספק) and to follow closely his injunctions. The Rabbis have spoken derogatively about that man who looks to find the lenient rulings of the school of Shammai, and the lenient rulings of the school of Hillel. Rather, every man is admonished to follow his own Rabbi, whether in stringent or in lenient practices.

David

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Originally posted by Sam-:
Isn't there an idea that one is not allowed to "shul hop" and look for "deals" where a rabbi is lenient in a given-area and you go to him for one reason, and another rabbi is lenient in another area and you go there for that psak. Isn't this wrong?

Yes, but I'm not talking about shul-hoppong for a psak; I'm talking about shul-hopping for catching a minyan.

Quote "The Rabbis have spoken derogatively about that man who looks to find the lenient rulings of the school of Shammai, and the lenient rulings of the school of Hillel. Rather, every man is admonished to follow his own Rabbi, whether in stringent or in lenient practices."

The Gemara in Eiruvin 6b in it's Maskana says (And is paraphrased by Kollel Iyun Hadaf)

(h) Answer #2 (Rav Shizbi): One should not follow stringencies of different Chachamim only if they are contradictory, like the law of a spine and skull:

1. (Mishnah): An incomplete spine or skull [of a Mes does not have Tum'as Ohel];

2. Question: How much must be missing from the spine [to be considered incomplete]?

3. Answer #1 (Beis Shamai): The Shi'ur is two vertebrae;

4. Answer #2 (Beis Hillel): The Shi'ur is one vertebra.

5. (Beis Shamai): If the width of a drill-screw is missing from the skull [it is not Tamei b'Ohel];

6. Answer #2 (Beis Hillel): The Shi'ur is the amount which if removed from a live person would kill him.

7. (Rav Yehudah): The same amount missing makes an animal Tereifah. (It is foolish to be stringent both ways, to say that the smaller Shi'ur of Chisaron makes a Tereifah, but there is Tum'as Ohel unless the larger Shi'ur is missing.)

8. When the stringencies do not contradict each other,one may follow both.
So, it would seem that as long as they don't contradict, you can Paskin like one in one case and someone else in another case, which we see throughout Shas and Poskim.

Still, if the only reason that you choose to Paskin Like someone is only because he's Lenient, then it's wrong, because being lenient is not a factor to PAskin for someone.