As a ba'al teshuva, and a life long seeker from deep within assimilation before that, I am familiar with having to find my own way, always, I must add, with an awareness of the presence and assistance of Hashem.

Which isn't to say I haven't frequently longed to hitch onto something ready made. But I'm stubborn (if something doesn't add up, then it's too bad and I'll just walk away, even if it means distancing myself from people who have become a pleasant part of my life in a way) and/or I just wasn't even offered a potential way to think about trying (I never commit before checking out first). This combination of circumstances has meant I have not ended up where I could have, say as a Christian, Buddhist, Hindu , spiritualist, etc, or, more recently, some type of Jew. All this would be to Hashem's plan no doubt.

I've done a lot of discovering by trial and error: exploring and trying and seeing how it goes. But of course I've tried to thinking and feel things through to avoid this. Unfortunately I'm not smart and whatever enough to avoid the need to go and check out. And I'm still doing that. But I do find that it is true that Hashem does guide us. We just have to keep a good lookout for the signs. Which isn't to say it is easy. And I have found a lot to help me as I have sought what it seems I need to find in Judaism, the only spiritual home I have ever accepted as where I belong. It is just that what has helped me has not been served up in more than small serves, and from all over the place.

Even in Judaism, there have been paths that weren't for me. This is no criticism of those paths. And nothing has been without gain.

Now I have found Rabbi Chayim Luzatto. I am currently reading his Derech Hashem , translated by Aryeh Kaplan. Tomorrow I am going to order. G-d willing, Luzzatto's Mesillas Yesharim.

I am really appreciating Luzzatto's Derech Hashem. Wow ! Maybe I had to wait for it till now as I was not yet ready. That seems possible.

But, ever wary, and appreciative of the insights of others, I'd appreciate anyone's comments regarding Luzzatto. I have long ago learned that a good evaluation takes a bird's eye view as well as a more close up encounter. If I follow him, at least for a while, he is going to lead me through various doorsways I have only glanced through so far.

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But, ever wary, and appreciative of the insights of others, I'd appreciate anyone's comments regarding Luzzatto. I have long ago learned that a good evaluation takes a bird's eye view as well as a more close up encounter. If I follow him, at least for a while, he is going to lead me through various doorsways I have only glanced through so far.

When you get hold of the translation of Mesillas Yesharim, you will see in the introduction by the translator that the Vilna Gaon read the sefer and wrote that in the first 11 chapters he could not find even one superfluous word.

Think about it; each and every word was necessary. So how does one gain an understanding of what it all means? You have to get a Rabbi to teach you. So find a Shiur; that's the only way to really appreciate Rav Chaim Moshe Luzzatto's works.

I wish! Unfortunately that is not possible here. This community is too small and such things do not seem desired. Even the opportunity I had for a small while of the little study group on the Tanya is no more. I try to see such lack of options as the way Hashem has of opening other ones. Including teaching me trust and patience, among other things. Maybe something will come up on the net. And maybe I can at least discern something of benefit when I read the book.

At least I have been a big reader and thinker since I was a young child. And I trawled my way through various religions (just looking, mind you- I was too stubborn to be won) looking for what I could believe and where I belonged. I have even studied theology (with all that means) and philosophy at a tertiary institution. I think all this helps. But , yes certainly, my limitations are great indeed.

I shall just have to do my best. Though I often wonder whether there is a justification for my studying the things I do at all. Maybe I should even not do it. For example, it is an irrelevance seemingly everywhere , even at shul, except for my inner journey; one woman at shul lectured me that women needed only to know kashrut; and my husband has no understanding of what I am on about and has no sympathy for it. The universe I am sharing with such things is largely in my head and unknown to anybody. But I feel I have to and so I choose to. And it is something I can relate to from my inner life experiences since I was a child.

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So find a Shiur; that's the only way to really appreciate Rav Chaim Moshe Luzzatto's works.