B"H
QUESTION:
What, in you opinion, is the most interesting difference between the way Yemenite Jews live and say the more mainstream Ashenazi or Sefardim of Israel? I notice you said they call the "peyos" over there "simonis". That interesting. - Yocheved

Yocheved,

The answer given in my previous response could have actually been said to be true about most of the old-timers of our country, and not just about the Yemenites. So, in answer to your question....

Two of the most striking differences that I've found with the Yemenite Jewish community (as opposed to the other communities in Israel) are the manner in which they make the knots on their tzitzis (tassels which hang from their prayer-shawls). See URL link provided:
http://img104.imageshack.us/img104/1830/tzitzisworninyemen5eu.jpg

As also the manner in which they (the Yemenites) will make the knot on their Head Phylactery (Tefillin shel-rosh). See URL link provided: http://img104.imageshack.us/img104/3162/headphylacteryknot2hh.jpg

The custom of making the Daleth-shaped knot on the joining straps of the Head Phylactery was actually once common to the Jews of Yemen, Ashkenaz and Sepharad, alike. But the latter two communities have since exchanged their old practice for a newer one, which knot now resembles more the shape of a "Daleth." The older practice, still practiced by the Jews of Yemen, follows a teaching in Halachos Gedolos (Hilchos Shimushei Tefillin). There, we find:

מעיף לתרתי רישי דרצועה בהדדי ומעייל חדא בגו חדא ורישא דהאי בעיפותא דהאי
ולהוי דלתתא." - דהיינו צורה כעין דל"ת

(Translation

"One doubles the two heads (i.e. ends) of the straps together [in the form of two separate loops] and feeds one through the other, and the head (i.e. end) of the one in the end (i.e. loop) of the other, so that there is formed thereby the shape of a Daleth."

The practice of making their knots on the tassels of their four-cornered garment (talis) also follows an ancient practice. The practice is mentioned by Rambam (Maimonides) in his "Code of Jewish Law." It's manner is also described in the Talmud (Menachos 39a), where we learn that each "chuliyya" (knot or binding) are made up of only three winds of the woolen thread. This practice, as we said, differs from the other practices throughout Israel, especially that teaching brought down in R. Basalel Ashkenazi's "Shitah Mekubetzet," who views the knots and the bindings as two separate things.

The custom of some Sephardic communities was to follow a practice started by Kabbalists of the last 500 years, to wit, to make a square knot, followed by seven windings which are not overlapping; again to make a square knot, followed by eight windings which are not overlapping; again to make a square knot, followed by eleven windings (not overlapping); and finally, again to make a square knot, followed by thirteen windings (not overlapping), which last are also concluded by tying a square knot. These windings are not repeated over themselves, as is the Yemenite custom. (see: Yilkut Yosef, 11:9). Moroccan Jews have of late followed a practice of making windings like the above, but with a slight difference in number of windings, viz., ten, five, six and five, in honor of the numerical value of each letter in G-d's name

Sincerely,
David Ben-Abraham

Thankyou for your comprehensive answer! Very enlightening! I have Indian (India) Jewish friends and it is amazing to me how much Judaism and Hinduism has in common, esp. with regard to marriage ceremonies.

Yocheved

Are the marriage ceremonies identical for the Yemeni Jews as for the Israeli Jews?

B"H

Yocheved,

By "Israeli Jews," you mean a wide variety of ethnic groups, each with peculiar marriage customs of their own. Israelis are not a homogeneous group, but rather, are still largely heterogeneous.

As far as Yemenite Jewish marriage customs are concerned, the Yemenite Jews had a practice in their former country (Yemen) where the groom (Heb. "chatan") would pay a dowry (Heb. "mohar") to the bride's father. Exacting a dowry from the groom has always been a bona fide Jewish practice.

The price of a dowry is not meant to "purchase" the bride. It is meant to appease the father of the girl. In addition to the dowry, he must still betroth her with money, or with an object that has money's worth. The groom also buys jewellery and clothing for his bride, although a gift is usually given to the couple by the bride's father.

From the episode of Laban's daughters (Rachel and Leah), we find that Yaacob (Jacob) worked seven years for each wife, which was equivalent to his paying a dowry to their father. The father made a feast at the conclusion of the seven-year period, when he gave Yaakov his eldest daughter, Leah.

In Yemen, marriages were usually conducted in the home of the bride at night. A ceremonial supper (Heb. "se'udas mitzvah") was thrown in the home of the groom's father-in-law at night, before the actual betrothals took place. Guests were invited to attend the supper. After the supper, the invited guests and families escorted the bride and groom to an upper-room where the Mori would read aloud the marriage contract (Heb. "ketubah") drawn up by the groom. Immediately following the reading, the Mori would commence by asking the groom to repeat after him the designated blessings. The practice of Israel since ancient times was for the bridegroom to take out a silver coin from his purse and to show it to the Mori who officiates over the wedding, as also to one of the witnesses. When they have returned the coin to the groom, he takes the second cup of wine and says to his bride, "You, the virgin bride so and so, the daughter of so and so, are sanctified and betrothed unto me, I, the groom so and so, the son of so and so, by the wine in this cup, and by this silver, which by them you shall come into my domain, for myself, according to the religion of Moses and Israel." And if she were not a virgin, but a widow or a divorced woman, he would say, "…and you, the widow bride, etc." or, "…and you, the divorced bride, etc." Thus is it stated in the Baladi-rite prayer book.

Witnesses stand one on each side of the bridegroom. She then takes the cup from his hand, and drinks from it a little, while the witnesses look on. She returns the cup to the groom, and he, at this time, gives her the silver coin, and says: "Behold, you are sanctified unto me by this silver, according to the religion of Moses and Israel." What remains of the wine is poured out.

The Gemara of Kesuvos (1st chapter) says that after a man betroths his bride (i.e. gave her a ring or a coin of worth, saying unto her, "You are betrothed unto me by this coin," etc.), he was given up to a year's time to effect the marriage by bringing her to the "chuppah." The "chuppah" is really what consummates the marriage (Heb. "nisu'een"), although the betrothals make the woman forbidden unto all others. If a man delayed beyond a year's time before bringing his betrothed spouse to the "chuppah," it is incumbent upon him thenceforth to provide for his bride's upkeep, although she remains in the house of her father.

Today, betrothals are made on the night of the wedding, and there is no longer any delay between the act of betrothal and the act of marriage itself. In Yemen, however, there was a delay of one day between the act of betrothal (which was done at night) and the act of marriage itself (which was done on the following day, around noon).

It should be noted here that the word "chuppah" has changed in meaning over the years. Today, it is generally understood to mean "canopy." But Rabbi Yitzhaq Ratzaby of Benei Barak says that "chuppah" has the equivalence of the room wherein the bridegroom and his bride are left alone together (Heb. "cheder yichud") for about an hour or an hour and a half after the betrothals. Their being left alone together under the same roof makes them "officially" man and wife, or consummates the marriage. "Chuppah" literally means in Hebrew, "covering."

Sincerely,
David Ben-Abraham

That is very interesting. I noticed in your detailed description (thankyou for that, really), that you made no mention of the bride circling the groom seven times, nor of henna (a nod to our sefardic relatives) nor of the "quiet time of separation" where the bride and groom are temporarily separated from the wedding party to enjoy themselves before returning to the feast. Are these not included in Yemen?

I realize people all do things a little differently around the world. My family (grandparents) came to America a generation ago illegally from Russia. We are legal now, obviously, I was born here, but after hearing about what they all suffered under Marx etc., including the disembowelment of one of ours, I have a whole new understanding for why people do whatever it takes to get here to America. It doesn't make it right--only understandable. We were part of a small farming commmunity called Grasneak Barak. You probably never heard of the shtetl--(sorry, I am rattling)anyway, our family's custom is to arrange marriages for our children, only we do ask the child if they are agreeable and they let us know. Also, we don't go searching until they come to us and say they are ready for marriage.

We seem to do some other things slightly differently as well. For instance, we still retain some fairly middle eastern customs (near eastern perhaps) such as our children touch our shoes and touch their fingertips to their lips, much like you would do to a mezzuzah--although not a comparable meaning of course! (I also do this with my parents upon greeting them). Most other Russians don't do this so I am not sure where this tradition comes from in o9ur family--I do notice many of my Indian acquaintances whom are quite traditional do almost the same thing, only they actually bow down and kiss the shoes with their lips. That is a little much for us, I think, but it is nice to see the respect.

I am always fascinated to see how one group of observant Jews performs certain mitzvahs or ceremonies differently than others. I am fascinated with cultural slants in Judaism.

Thankyou for sharing. I have saved your post into a word file to compare it to other ceremonies described!

Laile Tov,
Yocheved

B"H

Yocheved,

First, I have heard of the "Shtetl."

Second, in Yemen as well as in Israel, young brides perform a henna ceremony before their weddings.

I had inadvertently left out an important part of Yemenite Jewish marriage custom. As we said, the betrothal ceremony was held at night. In the morning, the bridegroom comes to take away his wife, the bride, and brings her to his own house. On that same morning, they would also have a party of men-folk gathered together in his house, eating and drinking together for a little while. It was there in the bridegroom's house that they would be left alone together under the shadow of their roof.

In Yemen, the bride did not circle her husband seven times. There was no "circling" at all. Neither were the two newlyweds left to be alone together on the night of their betrothals. Rather, this was done on the following day, when the groom took his bride to his own house.

Sincerely,
David

I meant after their marriage ceremony was complete (of course, no one would leave them alone beforehand!)

Well that is interesting. Thankyou for the inforamation again. Very enlightening.
Thanks David!
Yocheved

quote:

It should be noted here that the word "chuppah" has changed in meaning over the years. Today, it is generally understood to mean "canopy." But Rabbi Yitzhaq Ratzaby of Benei Barak says that "chuppah" has the equivalence of the room wherein the bridegroom and his bride are left alone together (Heb. "cheder yichud") for about an hour or an hour and a half after the betrothals. Their being left alone together under the same roof makes them "officially" man and wife, or consummates the marriage. "Chuppah" literally means in Hebrew, "covering."

This also seems to be how the Rama in Even HaEzer Siman 55:1 defines Chuppah.

Yes, I have heard that before, and I think your definition is correctly interpreted.