Hello all,
I would like to know the proper way to celebrate a Bar Mitzvha. When should you do it, what days of the week etc. Also if it should be done on your hebrew birthday or ?

I look forward to some answers

Thanks
Sheri

Bar Mitzvah means that a boy has become subject to the observance of the Mitzvos. Bat Mitzva refers to a girl.

A boy becomes Bar Mitzvah at the age of 13 and 1 day (i.e. on his 13th birthday) according to the Jewish calendar (so if he is born on the 1st Nisan, hw will become Bar Mitzvah on the 1st Nisan 13 years later).

A girl becomes Bat Mitzvah on her 12th birthday.

Until recent times only boys celebrated their Bar Mitzvah. Indeed, until recent times all that would happen for a boy was that he would be called up to the reading of the Torah at the first opportunity after his 13th birthday (often on a Monday or Thursday). On the day itself he would put on Tefillin for the very first time. And that was that!

In more recent times the main celebration has consisted of the boy being called up to the Torah on the Shabbos next after his 13th birthday. Often a boy will do the Torah reading, or a part of it, himself. A party will be held, usually on whichever day the parents can get the caterer!

Unfortunately, many people fail to understand the significance of Bar Mitzvah and the boy, having studied religious subjects in the period leading up to his Bar Mitzvah, will then drop out religiously altogether. As the late Chief Rabbi Lord Jakobovitz zt'l used to say, "They consider the Bar Mitzva as a bar to further Mitzvos."

For girls, traditionally there has been no celebration as such. Nowadays many girls do celebrate their Bat Mitzvah. They do this in different ways. Some might give a Drasha in Shul at the end of the service on Shabbos. Some have a "Bat Chayil" ceremony along with other girls who are Bat Mitzvah that year. Either way, there is usually a party where the girls can get presents as do the boys.

Some religious authorities frown on Bat Mitzvah celebrations as they have never been part of our tradition. But many Orthodox communities do now cater for the celebration of a Bat Mitzvah.

I understand there is a long established custom of throwing candy at the bar mitzvah boy?

Is a Shabbos morning Bar Mitzvah in any way preferable to a Monday or Thursday morning aliyah, or Shabbos mincha, or any other day with a Torah reading?

I heard a shiur by a halachist describing how layning Parshas Zachar in particular is not performed by a Bar Mitzvah boy since we must be certain he is an adult, and not just presumed to be one by attaining 13 years of age.

quote:

Originally posted by rob:
I understand there is a long established custom of throwing candy at the bar mitzvah boy?

Yes, when he has finished the paresha he has been called up to. That is why I wear a tallis over my head when I Leyn the Torah reading.

quote:

Is a Shabbos morning Bar Mitzvah in any way preferable to a Monday or Thursday morning aliyah, or Shabbos mincha, or any other day with a Torah reading?

Not really, but there is the custom to have it on Shabbos (and some do both - the day of the Bar Mitzvah itself and on the Shabbos afterwards so that more people can come to celebrate it).

quote:

I heard a shiur by a halachist describing how layning Parshas Zachar in particular is not performed by a Bar Mitzvah boy since we must be certain he is an adult, and not just presumed to be one by attaining 13 years of age.

That's right. Pareshas Zachos is a Torah obligation and so we must have an adult to read it.

Adulthood is determined by (a) age (Bar or Bat Mitzvah) and (b) signs of physical maturity (pubity). Since we don't examine anyone for signs of physical maturity, we do not rely on the age of 13 alone for a Torah obligation.

Quote "I heard a shiur by a halachist describing how layning Parshas Zachar in particular is not performed by a Bar Mitzvah boy since we must be certain he is an adult, and not just presumed to be one by attaining 13 years of age."

In order to be a Gadol , you need 2 things, you need to be the age of 13 and you need signs of puberty (2 hairs.) If the kid didn’t grow the 2 hairs when he turns 13 he’s technically a Katan. (Though we wouldn’t give any leniency to him, since we must be worried that he grew them and they fell out.) If he grew them before 13 they’re not considered as signs of puberty, only as wart growths.

Rava says (Nidah 46a) there is a Chazaka that when someone turns 13 also grew 2 hairs. (This is fondly known as Chazaka D’Rava.) The Gemarah concludes that we don’t assume this Chazakah for D’oraisos, so that’s why he cannot Layn Parshas Zachor. This also applies to Kidush Friday night, as brought in MB and Biur Halacha in the beginning of 271.

(Afterwards I saw that R’ Yisrael answered the essence of the question, but I posted this anyway for what was added)

Rav Chaim,
I thought the gedolim had to pass more than that in order to be considered "gadol".

The word "Gadol" means one who is "great" and one who has reached 13 and 1 day.

Sam,
I was being goofy.

Talking about "goofy", I heard that the "Goofy" character, was created by a Jew, Goofy is a dog and brainless. Goof in hebrew, is body, thus, the dog was all body and no brains.

I found an explanation why we don’t rely that after 13 years to say that he already has the hair. In Mishna Brurah 55:31 in the brackets brings a Pri Migadim that explains that from the Torah, if someone becomes 13, we can rely on that he has the hairs also, because most 13 year olds have the hair. The Rabanan came along and said we cannot rely on it for D’oraisos, since there is a frequent minority of 13 year olds that don’t have hair, (and since you can check if he has the hair) we cannot rely on not checking. He compares this to checking the lungs of an animal for Treifos. From the Torah it’s Kosher, since most animals are. But since there is a frequent minority that has a problem with a lung, the Rabannan decreed that it must be checked for any Treifos.